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Saturday, December 27, 2008

christmas < today < new year

this year christmas,

no big countdown party,

no big crowd to celebrate with,

but this year was the greatest christmas for me..

because..

with a special person beside me..

wonderful for me but i know there are other people suffered in another corner in that day..

life really unpredictable..

what we think will happen might have changes in the last second..

can't blame anyone for that..

cause thats our life..

we live for it..

we have to obey the laws of our LIFE..

life full with uncertainty..

we will not know what is going happen in the next minute..

i will cherish whatever things i have now..

so that i will not regret in the future..

i hope all my friends will have the same thought as me..

take care..

Saturday, December 13, 2008

shopping..

after half day of shopping, my leg is going to patah d.. so can anyone out there help me call for an ambulance?? thankz.. honestly, i hate shopping.. to me, shopping is like wasting money, energy and time.. i will only shopping once in a year, tats for chinese new year ni.. tats all.. but tis time i not only shop for chinese new year but act for quite an important dinner to me.. i respect this dinner coz i wana give a good imej to them.. feel quite nervous for the date to come act.. haha.. lately really eat alots and i tink im getting fatter n fatter d.. die loh.. cny is cuming soon d.. i need to keep fit so that i can eat more in cny mah.. hehe.. but b4 cny, there stil got christmas and new year.. im wondering how am i going to spend tis 2 days... haha.. looking forward to it.. ok... now lets talk about studies.. OMG.. i got 5 assignments pending and i duno where to start.. in other word shud b no mood to start.. but due to 15/12/08 need to pass up, so tmr i have to finish it.. partial sum.. time to start work d.. u not in honey moon year anymore.. haha..

Monday, December 1, 2008

holiday ends...

so fast 3 weeks of holiday come to the end.. erm.. actually not really fast coz the feeling of missing someone make the time past slower i guess.. hehe.. during this holiday, my old friends came and visit me.. there are 'mr.cough', 'mr.flu' and 'mr.fever'.. there are memang good friends, stayed around me to make my life 'happier'.. missed a lots of nice food bcoz of them.. haiz.. but luckily now just left 1 friend with me - 'mr.cough', if not yday i cannot eat william's food.. william's is a high class mamak stall in kl ( as wat mr. CEG told me.. hehe..) the food there are all in big portion.. i cant finish my dish yday although im very hungry.. but there are sum guys that can really finish the whole plate of food.. *clap hand*.. when im having final, actually im looking forward for holidays.. but during holiday i wish to go back uni asap.. coz i know that now my life no longer the same as before in uni.. there is someone always teman me, take care of me, care bout me all the time.. thankz alotz.. i will always by ur side also.. i promise.. hehe.. since im bek to uni and i can on9 everyday, so i wil upload more blogs.. so stay tune.. haha.. all my friends, welcome bek to uniten..

Thursday, November 6, 2008

sorry..

in my life, i can see that i will always 'accidently' make my friends got into some problem due to my childish action.. honestly, im a playful person when i am in mood.. and of course almost all of the time i am in my mood unless there are something in my mind.. i always cant stop myself from doing silly things.. sometime i just like to do something without thinking about the effect that it might bring to myself or others.. when i want to do means i will do.. what i mean the things that i will do is silly thing and not something serious.. yesterday because of my wrong direction, i make my friend's car met some kind of small accident.. (as what bh said, it canot said as an accident, so should i call it as 'car spoilt'.. watever.. ) and i really felt guilty about that.. sorry to you again.. after that i was having dinner with my friends and all of them were making fun of me by saying that it was my fault to make the car like this.. i know they are just joking and what they said just for fun and didn't bring any meaning (obviously not blaming me) but then i dunno why, i felt all that were true.. i felt every word they said was correct.. so my guilty feeling came out again that time and my tears just came out like that.. since young, i don't understand why.. i very easy to cry in case u all dunno.. don't see me always crazy here and there but then actually my tears will just come out although its nothing much to cry off.. don't believe it?? haha.. u can ask some of my good friends and also my netball friends in secondary school.. so yesterday im really ok.. but then tears just wana come out maybe because i felt guilty.. but not because what you all said k?? im sorry if i make u all worried.. tears ah tears, can u don't simply come out at the wrong time.. haha.. again.. SORRY.. and to that gang of friends, thankz for helping out.. gambateh in the last paper ya..

Monday, November 3, 2008

wu liao??

i still left 3 more papers then i can shout to the world "MERDEKA MERDEKA MERDEKA".. malaysia independent's day just one year once.. but mine 1 year at least 3 times.. haha.. everytime having final i will looking forward for final to end and start my holiday.. now oso the same.. but i know.. when im having the holiday i will feel boring staying at home.. life in uni is always better than ipoh.. but then sure i enjoy spending my time with my family oso.. i can always eat my mum home cook food.. wow.. now tink of it oso feel hungry d.. hehe.. this sem pass really fast.. and alots of things happened oso.. got happy and unhappy.. unhappy i tink i ald overcome it.. n happy things, i will always keep tat in my heart.. although i always did some silly things accidently and my friends wil always laugh at me.. but i feel tats oso a kind of way to build our friendship.. im a good joker i guess tats y i can always entertain my friends.. and of coz is u lah.. always laugh at me.. and stop saying bout how powerful my mouth is k?? if my mouth really so powerful then i no nd stuck in uniten n study d.. haha.. just wu liao-ing here.. wana go sleep d.. tmr stil need to camp in library to prepare for my coming paper.. all the best to all my friends ya.. jia you..

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

silly thinking.. haha..

'the champion for the 100m event is..................... TIME'

*clap* *clap*

'wow, HIM again ah.. every year also TIME become the champion for this event'

'really cannot find other ppl that can beat HIM??'

'it will be very hard to find other ppl who can run as fast as HIM.. HE hold the world champion for infinity decades d..'

'then how are we going to fight with him??'

'just try our best.. mayb is hard for us to beat HIM but we can find him to become our sifu.. HE very friendly to others.. everyone is HIS friend.. i tink HE can teach us how to run in the correct way'

'oh ya wo.. although we cant beat HIM but with that mayb we can shorten the distance between us and HIM in every tournament.. keep in track wif HIM.. so that we wont regret in every tournament that we join..'

'ya.. most important is we don't left behind too much.. we should follow HIS way and try to do our best during our trainning and also competition'

'yaya.. true also.. lets go find HIM then..'

*some silly thinking in my mind during the final week.. mayb study til too stress d.. haha.. hope all wil und wat im trying to say.. every1 gambateh ya.. dun just waste ur time like tat.. keep in track with ur time*

Monday, October 27, 2008

特别的朋友

已好久没有你的影子徘徊在我脑里了
熟悉的感觉又浮现出来了
心里总是盼望能遇见你
哪怕只是那一秒或擦身而过
我也傻傻地开心好一阵子
很想遇见你却又怕看到你
我也不晓得那是那门的道理
但我想也是因为这样
才让我更期待与你的巧遇
常在想
为什么我们的友谊不能像一般人那样
可能那就是我们的缘分吧
我们之间经营友谊的方式
就是把心交给一个陌生人
但那个陌生人却是无意间
已在彼此的心里
占了别人无法代替的位子
一个特别的朋友
无需每时每刻联络
彼此却不会忘记对方
我有着这样的朋友
而我在这很想告诉她
我是不会忘记你的
希望你偶尔也会想起我吧

Sunday, October 26, 2008

childhood



last few weeks, my cousin sent me a picture.. erm.. when i just browse tru the pic, i thought why suddenly my cousin sent me unknown small kids picture to me.. but when i really look into it.. OPPS.. thats ME and my COUSINS.. haha.. wow.. how come last time i so cute but no doubt now also that cute lah.. haha.. the small gal in blue shirt is me and the small boy smiling happily is my cousin.. n i THINK the small small boy holding racket is his brother.. we used to stay 2gether for 16 years.. 2 family stayed in 1 house.. although my house not really big but we can just stayed there happily and comfortable 2gether.. mayb our childhood not like other ppl so fun but then we have our own memories 2gether.. no doubt i miss the time when we can stay 2gether

memorable moments:

  1. play companies game.. haha.. make money ourselve, cheque book and hide in a small corner and set that as own company (for ur info normally the corner that we choose fulled wif nyamuk but yet we stil wana bcum their food.. sweat..)
  2. play masak-masak.. 4 of us will b very semangat to set up the stall, find watever things that can treat as food and cook.. but then when finish playing, no1 wana kemas.. all duno run where d.. in the end all kena marah again.. haha..
  3. play badminton in front of our house.. the shuttle always flied up the roof, and have to ask the twin SUMs to help us take (for sure their face will b black black like bao qing tian).. or the eldest (means me.. coz that time im the taller..) we will curi curi bring the ladder n climb up ourselve.. stil rmb got one time, i paired up with my cousin.. then half way duno where she went and left the slipper ni.. after a while only i knew she jatuh inside longkak d bcoz keep on moving backwards to hit the ball.. haha.. (hope she wont read tis and kill me when im back to ipoh..)
  4. always bully my cousin.. duno y.. we always like to anti her.. mayb coz she very chuen gua.. we will always said tis to her "dun wana friend with u lah.. i ask who who dun wan friend with u oso".. then she will go n complained to her mum.. her mum very sayang her tat time.. so in the end all kena scolded by her mum.. and have to said "oklah.. friend with u loh".. we getting smarter after a few times of scolding.. whenever her mum not around only we will say tat sentence.. then she canot force us to play wif her d.. haha.. (for ur info, is the same cousin that fall down into longkang)
  5. kick football inside the house.. skill not as good as ronaldo and beckham so always spoilt things.. everytime adult ald told us dun play inside the house d.. but then bcoz outside very hot so we stil wana play inside when the adult not at home.. i think we broke quite many glasses d.. haha.. and naive small kids like us tried to cover from acknowledge the adult but in the end stil kena tangkap lah.. n tat time all the fingers will point to the youngest.. haha..
  6. learned swimming together in ACS.. all of us know nothing and went to learn for fun.. 2 hours per week but we really had fun inside the swimming pool..

wow... if wana list all out, i guess i no nd study for my final d.. haha.. erm.. alots of memories pop up when i look at the picture.. i tink 4 years ago they moved out from my house and bought a new house behind my house.. although the distance is just 30 steps away but then sure v lost a lotz of fun bcoz of the distance.. we are growing time by time.. now me and my eldest cousin ald studying at kl and melaka n soon my sis and my another cousin will study away from ipoh i guess.. ipoh is the place that gather us.. so everytime im bek ipoh, i wil try to meet my cousins.. for steamboat mayb.. haha.. we hardly meet but we are stil tat close in heart.. i can say that i can hardly see such close cousins.. hehe.. all the best to dark guy and my sis in spm lah.. gambateh ya.. waiting u 2 to come uniten (mayb).. haha..

Thursday, October 23, 2008

say more good things to others..

today is thurs.. opps.. one week going to end soon again.. wow.. tis week i think is even faster than the week before... n next week will start my final d.. i haven start anything for my final now.. final?? erm.. am i tinking too long?? i din even start study for my lab test tmr.. tonight i will camp in the library n make sure i can study all the lab that i did in the past 3 months.. although it just 1 credit hour, but look at my carry marks for all the subs tis sem, i better work hard although just 1 credit hour.. if not my cgpa will drop til deep in the tasik d.. 2day i had my presentation for communication system.. actually it shud b done by tues but then bcoz of the EFFORT that we put in this presentation, we kena rejected.. v asked the lecturer to give us more time to redo so that we wont just got half of the presentation marks.. after tat, we faced alotz of difficuties in finding the coding for our matlab presentation.. but then we stil tried our best in finished up the report and presentation.. this morning v were quite sked the lecturer ask ques that we duno how to ans.. but yet although sum ques v dunno the real ans, n with our smart brain we CRAPPED to the lecturer.. thank god that the lecturer dunno much bout the coding part.. and for my part, i just simply explained a bit bout the coding (when the lecturer asked us, and actually is my friend who found the matlab coding n she noe it better than us).. after that, the lecturer straight away give me the marks and im excluded from the presentation part d.. thats all i need to do to get the marks.. just a few sentence that might bring no meaning.. wow.. now i know that we should speak at the right time.. haha.. n for conclusion, the lecturer said our work was great.. the word really bring power to us.. we all very happy when the lecturer praised us.. the hardworks are being appreciated.. from this i learned that, even a simple word from ur mouth that u think is nothing but actually it might bring a powerful energy to others.. say more good things to others n u will make sum1 happy..

Saturday, October 18, 2008

partial sum is back..

they said when u r undergoing a sad life, time will pass slower than a turtle?? i thought this week will b a hard week for me, but looks like its not.. haha.. it passed faster than i expected.. 1 week passed just like that.. n honestly, i feel more happy than b4 d.. mayb sumtimes face it is much more better than avoid it.. fate sumtimes really like playing a fool with me.. but then i believe that GOD will always look at what we are doing.. HE will guide us tru out our life.. mayb there are sum tests that might b a tough wan for me.. but i know there are always ways after the corner of darkness.. now can say that the problem had solved.. n now im the brand new me.. wif a stronger heart and better personality i guess.. good friends really the best when im facing problem.. i promise that i will be by ur side also when u all need me.. thats a promise for friends.. hehe.. this blog just wana tell all my friends that partial sum is back in action.. thankz to all of u..

Friday, October 10, 2008

disappointed..

many people always told me, my temper is too good.. i will never angry a person easily.. erm.. normally if u want to see me socld me people then i think u need to wait for a decade.. not that i saying myself like so nice but then i just seldom feel angry n if i am i can just forget about it in a short time.. but no matter how good someone is, there will b some limit for it.. and for me.. i hate people lying to me.. i hate it and hate it so much.. got a friend told me before.. guys like to lie.. while gals like to listen to lie.. ya.. it mayb correct but plz guys.. don't let ur lies being bocor.. plz dun ever giv promises to your friends you.. think twice before u make a promise coz sometimes promise means alot to a person.. people that telling lie make me feel like vomit when i see she/him.. i don't feel comfortable when im around she/him.. mayb is time for me to stay away from she/him so that i can have a better life.. without friends i am nothing but with tis kind of friend i prefer i own nothing.. i feel very disappointed and hope all tis act just a misunderstand between us..

踏出去了??

放手是一种无奈的绝望,痛彻心扉。当曾经珍爱如生命的人即将相逢陌路时,才恍然大悟:原来,曾经以为的天长地久,其实不过是萍水相逢。

曾经以为可以这样牵着手一路走下去,可是放手了才明白一切只是两条平行线,当一切都烟消云散,平行的依旧平行。即使相隔不远,也已是人各天涯。

  勇敢的代价是自己先放下,承认失败、接受无奈,轻轻地叹口气,祝福他今后幸福快乐。从此心若芷水,难起波澜。

  卷缩在角落,等待着伤口平复,体会敢爱敢恨敢失去的洒脱。

  幸福的感觉也许只能刹那,刹那过后,是一个人的精彩。

  放手的日子,总是落落孤欢,会莫名地为了一首歌,一部戏,一个情节。甚或是一句话而泪流满面。总觉得天是黑的,云是灰的。

  总觉得失去了生活的意义。朋友告诉我:你什么也没有失去,你只是回到了认识他以前的日子。我释然,就像烟花不可能永远挂在天际,只要曾经灿烂过,又何必执着于没有烟花的日子呢?

  我们都是凡尘男女,挣不出纠缠的情网。逃不过爱与被爱的旋涡,心碎神伤后。是漫无止境的寂寞,寂寞吗?或许吧!再也不用为了猜测他的心思而绞尽脑汁,会不会轻舒一口气,感觉轻松一点点呢?

  是真的想开了吗?可以平静的面对他和她。纵然心里有种隐隐的说不出的酸楚。可是我不会落泪,哭泣是因为一个人的记忆在心里。无论怎样也不肯散去。我一次次的问自己:“爱你我怕了吗?”答案是肯定的,我怕了,我真的怕了,千疮百孔的心,脆弱得再也经不起痛入骨髓的折磨,于是我放了他,也给自己放了一条生路。把他凝成一幅画,深深的刻在脑海里...看着,想着,可是不会在做画中人,置身画外,才能更好地欣赏画的美丽,不是吗?

  用力地握握手,真诚地说声:“再见,珍重!”转过头,洒脱的走开,让背影深深地烙在他的脑海里,当你能够用释然的心态去回忆,你们的点点滴滴,你就可以体会到放手后的美丽。

  上帝让我在错误的时间遇上了你,我...哭了。

  它让我在正确的时间离开了你,你...会哭吗?

  一次次说这次真的放下了,不知道自己还能这样骗自己多久.

暧昧

暧昧是,比好朋友再亲一点,但比恋人远坏恪?/FONT>

  暧昧是,你会常常在QQ等他在线。当他几天没有在线,你就会有些担心。

  暧昧是,你会不时去他的BLOG看看有没有更新;而且你会留意字里行间,他对你有没有什么暗示。

  暧昧是,有感觉,然而,这种感觉不足以叫你们切切实实地发展一段正式的关系。

  暧昧是,明白人生有太多的无奈,现实有太多的限制。你知道没有可能,但又舍不得放手。

  暧昧是,有进一步的冲动,却没有进一步的勇气。

  暧昧是,他不是你的情人,但似乎他比你的情人更关心你和了解你。

  暧昧是,你会编一条围巾给他,但大家从没有开始过。

  暧昧是,虽然他不是你的情人,但他却会对你说:你对我是十分重要的。

  暧昧是,你感冒时有一个会在晚上打电话来,特意提醒你服药,叫你盖好被子早点睡的普通朋友。

  暧昧是,当你遇到问题解决不了的时候,你找不到你的男/女朋友,你第一个便会想起他。

  暧昧是,每当他提及他的另一半时,你会万箭穿心。

  暧昧是,为了逃避背叛的罪恶感。

  暧昧是,甜津津又同时酸溜溜的。往往从未开始,已叫人不安,患得患失。

  暧昧是,别人以为你们在搞地下情时,你会沾沾自喜。

  暧昧是,别人问你们是否恋爱中,你张口结舌。

  暧昧是,常常挣扎表不表白。你怕表白之后,你既得不到一个情人,却又失去了一个知心好友。

  暧昧是,见到他,你会心跳。见不到他时,你会挂念他。

  暧昧是,两个人都会互相猜想。他是不是已经暗示了什么?我是不是自作多情?

  暧昧是,每天大家都会聊QQ,会互传手机短讯,无规律地偶然约会。

  暧昧是,除了情人节之外,其它的节日,大家都交换礼物。

  暧昧是,你很想多走一步,但又怕会吓怕了他。你会很小心流露自己的感情。

  暧昧是,两个人没有承诺过什么。但虽然如此,你愿意付出的,比有承诺的情侣更多。没有责任,但你却很渴望去承担,不问回报。

  暧昧,是一扇门,你可以停留在门外,也可以踏进房子里面。然后你不可以停留在门下面。门--永不是终点站。

  我们暧昧,我们却不属于对方。

Thursday, October 9, 2008

还有一种爱,叫离开

曾经天真的以为不管时间和空间的距离有多长多远,
感情一定会恒久不变,因为爱是没有理由的……

爱不能成为牵绊,所以要选择放手,
从容的让彼此走出彼此的世界。
凡事到极至,伤也会痛。
其实爱过就会懂,
彼此个性的太过坚强终究会是一起生活的阴影

昨日的幸福已成为一种痕迹。
两人能携手走完整人生固然美好,
可陪上了一段也应心存感激了。

爱一个人不是要成为所爱的人的牵绊,
只要心中有爱,生活总是那么美好。
相遇是一种缘,相识,相恋更是一种缘,
缘起而聚,缘尽而散,放手才是真爱!

还有一种爱,叫离开
曾经以为自己的爱情能够长久,
曾经以为真心的付出就能够换来幸福。
其实错了……

爱情给的唯一的东西就是背叛,无情的背叛!
曾经是那么相爱的两个人,转眼陌路。
留下的是残缺不全的记忆和心痛。

(@.@)

不要相信日韩肥皂剧中所谓的因为不能让彼此幸福而离开。

  是否想过,你们正是对方的幸福。

  爱不是逃避,是努力。

  不是逃避着给彼此幸福的责任,而是努力的实现让彼此幸福的义务。

  当你说离开是为了不让对方受到伤害的时候,你已经给对方造成了最大的伤害。

  爱就是要努力在一起。

  不要因为害怕彼此离开而体谅。

  体谅是因为爱,而不是因为恐惧。

  爱是一种责任,不可以轻易的离开。

  让你为离开而恐惧的人,算不上爱人,就算付出再多,要离开的人,终究是会离开。

  不要觉得不了解也会有爱情。

  在不了解的时候,我们仅仅是喜欢,达不到爱情。

  当彼此的缺点暴露出来以后,很多时候这喜欢也就会结束了。

  爱是宽容,爱着彼此的一切。

  爱上不了解的人,或许,你爱的只是他的新奇罢了。

  不要相信对你说不介意你跟异性过于亲密的人。

  这样的人不是骗你就是在玩你,或者根本就不在意你。

  你会不介意你的爱人和异性亲密到忘记你存在的地步么?

  想想就知道了。或者,他本身就不介意在几个异性之间周旋。

  不要在几个异性间周旋。

  爱情是2个人的存在,容不下第三个人。

  凡是觉得可以左拥右抱的无非是网上言情小说看多的人。

  爱情是专一的,请记好。

  不要给彼此太多的压力。

  适当的和异性保持距离,对你们的爱情是有好处的。

  过近的距离,也许会在不经意间,做出让彼此难堪的举动。

  不要去欺骗你的爱人。

  记得,若你没有骗他一辈子的把握,那么便对他说实话。

  当谎言一再被揭穿的时候,有可能一切都结束了。

  不要觉得样貌会成为很大的障碍。

  60年后,有没有人能没有皱纹,没有白发?谁又能不变衰老,不变矮小。

  也许你没有貌,但你有才。也许你没有才,但你温柔。也许你没有温柔,但你……

  也许你什么都没有,但是也许,他正爱着你的平凡。

  不要把周围的环境看的太重。

  谈恋爱的是你们,和周围的人又有什么关系。

  但是请善待彼此的家人,朋友。很多东西,只是给自己的借口罢了。

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

等待=苦。。

我以为我可以经得起等待的痛苦。。
原来我并没有那么强。。
距离已比一把尺还要长了。。
可能一开始,
我就不应该参与这场游戏,
因为我玩不起。。
离开的勇气总是被掩盖着,
这刻说要放弃,
下一秒再给自己理由坚持。。
是时候做出决定了。。
一拖再拖只会更痛苦。。
我没力了,
我很累了,
我投降了。。
我不想放弃的,
可是我真的觉得很痛苦。。

Thursday, August 14, 2008

感情是唯一没有逻辑的东西


只要牵扯到感情,通常就没有逻辑可循。
  感情是一件永远无法计算投资报酬率的东西,付出跟回报之间有时完全没有关系,甚至成反比。如果不小心介入了别人的故事,在那个并不是为你量身定做的剧情中扮演一个没有身份名称、没有对白、没有声音的角色,这对谁而言,都是难堪的挫折,都是难以言喻的寂寞。
  你的戏份是依附在另一个人之下,随着他的悲而悲,随着他喜而喜。此时你的情绪根本没有所谓的自主权。在那个不属于你自己的脚本里,本来就无法奢求有对等待遇,委屈并不能求全,那就不要强求吧!将一切放下,潇洒地离开,让剧情从此转了一个弯,或许在某一条叉路上,有着另一处风和日丽的风景在等着你。
  感情有时不需要白纸黑字的契约,也没有什么聘雇关系,却会让人对另一个人死心塌地。思念、倾慕、爱恋等,都是一种心理状态,它是没有办法被具象地雕塑出来,但你可以感觉,感觉一个人喜欢你,或者感觉出你自己靠近对方时心跳的声音。
  感情就是如此的微妙,也因此,纵然明知是错的,但就还是会有人深陷下去。
  其实感情并无所谓绝对性的对与错,只要是你自己的选择,并且在多少年后不后悔当初的决定,也就没有谁是谁非的问题。
  你将永远记得曾经在人生的第几集里,对方陪你演了一出悲剧,然后就将那专属于你的悲伤锁在自己的记忆里。
  因为退而求其次地想,虽然没有人愿意在自己的人生戏剧中上演悲剧,但就算你想曾经拥有过一场惊天动地的感情戏,也还是得要对手,才能成戏,有些人是连想体验那股无能为力的感伤都还找不到人对戏。
  所以,不管是好是坏的爱情,都是人生无从分割的际遇,它有可能美丽也有可能不美丽,已经知道结局的连续剧,剧情再吸引也不会让你魂牵梦系;因为人生就是无法随心所欲,所以才有意义。
  因为一开始就已经知道胜负的棋局,任谁也没兴趣。
  人生这出戏,重要的是,你所扮演的角色,是你自己的选择,没有人逼你,只要你自己对得起当初无悔的自己,还有善待那些曾经给过你的真心。
  感觉≠感情
  男女之间的友情是一种很脆弱的东西,象玻璃一样易碎,象流水一样无法把握。听一些人说异性之间没有真正的友情,即使是几十年的红颜知己,几十年的忘年之交,除了是有血缘关系,不然男人和女人之间只要发生感情,就会多多少少掺杂了爱情的成分,就像9999的纯金一样,再纯的友情也总会有一点点的爱恋。
  其实,这个问题视乎从哪个角度去看,因为感觉和感情是两个明显没有界限的群组,我想这个世界上谁也说不清楚什么是感觉,什么是感情,但有一点可以肯定,一定是先有感觉,后有感情的,因为感觉是事物在人的思维里的一个映象,而感情是一种更复杂的感觉组合。从自己的心理分析,我是很容易对一个人有感觉的,只要我欣赏那个人,或者那个人有很容易吸引人的特点,我都会对她有感觉,以前我曾经以为这种感觉就是感情,所以我一直以为自己是很容易就会爱上别人的人,但后来发现,原来这种感觉只是一种很单纯的感觉,离感情还十分遥远,我找到了那条界限,男女之间友情的界限。
  有时,会因为某个人,我会很惦记,会很思念,那种感觉与爱恋一个人的感觉没有什么区别,我试过迷惑,友情里会有这种惦记和思念吗?这种感觉令人觉得是男女之间友情的最大威胁,所以我不自主地要控制自己的这种感觉。虽然后来我一直没有找到答案,但我想只要那条界限的存在,感觉和感情同样也会有一条界限的,感情肯定不等于感觉的堆积,因为很多人感觉堆积了一辈子,可是他们依然守住了友情的界限,这就说明感觉要变成感情,一定是需要某种特殊的东西,而不是简单的堆积,所以在这个不等式里,我需要墨守一条界限,但墨守并非等于保留自己的感觉,完美的友情和完美的爱情一样,是一种毫不保留的付出,如果控制自己或压抑自己,必然有一天会在一些诱因下失守那一条界限,就如电视剧剧情一样,人性会在几杯红酒、几首情歌下脆弱起来,这是对男女之间友情的最大威胁,这是一种很美又很危险的感觉。
  慢慢地,我学会了在释放中墨守,在心里有一个抽屉,是专门存放一种特殊感觉,虽然它是那么危险,但却让人不舍丢弃,只要它不会变成感情,那这个世界上就没有比它更美丽的了。

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

嫂子我长大了娶你

我三岁那年,父母亲在一次沉船事故中不幸丧生。哥哥与我相依为命。  

日子虽然过得艰辛,却因了哥哥的关爱,我度过了快乐的童年。没想到,十二岁那年,一场矿难又夺走了我唯一的亲人,哥哥也撇下了我。那时候,嫂子刚刚嫁到我家。没过多久,就有人给嫂子说媒,对方是一个死了老婆的屠夫,家境不错,人也结实。嫂子问了一句,“带着康明行吗?”那个穿红戴绿的媒婆便再也没有登门。   此后,又有几家相继来说媒,嫂子始终只有一个要求,带着康明可以,不然就不行。嫂子是殷实人家的女儿,当初嫁给大哥时,遭到了家人的竭力反对,甚至要和她断绝关系,可是嫂子仍然嫁了过来,她看重的是大哥的人品。大哥去世后,嫂子没少受娘家人的奚落,逼她早日改嫁,她那蛮横的弟弟甚至扬言要烧了我们的房子。嫂子还是那句话,“改嫁可以,必须带上康明。”尽管嫂子美丽贤慧,但谁家又愿意她拖着个累赘嫁过去?她的家人气得直跺脚,再也很少来往。嫂子在一家毛巾厂上班,一个月才一百多块,有时厂里效益不好,还用积压的劣质毛巾充作工资。  
 
那时,我正念初中,每个月至少得用三四十块。嫂子从来不等我开口要钱,总是主动问我,“明明,没钱用了吧?”一边说一边把钱往我衣袋里塞,“省着点花,但该花的时候不能省,正长身体,多打点饭吃。” 我有一个专用笔记本,上面记载着嫂子每次给我的钱,日期和数目都一清二楚。我想,等我长大挣钱了,一定要好好报答嫂子的养育之恩。中考之前,我对嫂子说,“嫂子,我报考了中专,可以早一点出来工作。”嫂子一听,愤怒地看着我,“你怎么能这样,你将来要考大学的。不行,得给我改过来。”第二天,嫂子不由分说地拉着我去找老师,硬是将志愿改了过来。我顺利地考上了县里的重点高中,嫂子得知消息,做了丰盛的晚餐庆贺,“明明,好好读书,给嫂子争口气。”嫂子说得很轻松,我听得很沉重。   

第二天,嫂子是红肿着眼睛回来的。我问她怎么了?嫂子沙哑地说了声,没事儿,刚才让沙子撞进眼睛里了。说完赶紧去打水洗脸。第三天她弟弟过来嘲讽她我才知道,嫂子为了给我筹集学费,去向娘家借钱,被娘家人赶了出来。看着嫂子还有些浮肿的眼睛,我说,“嫂子,我不念书了,现在文凭也不那么重要,很多工厂对学历没什么要求……”还没等我把话说完,嫂子一巴掌打了过来,“不读也得读,难道像你哥一样去挖煤呀!”嫂子朝我大声吼道。嫂子一直是个和的人,那是我第一次见她发火。那段时间,嫂子总是回来很晚,每次回来都拎着一个大编织袋,疲惫不堪。我问她袋子里装的什么,嫂子始终不给我看。有一天晚上到同学家取书,远远的看见路灯下蹲着一个熟悉的身影,面前铺着一块白布,上面摆满了鞋袜、针头线脑什么的。是嫂子。我没有走过去“揭穿”嫂子。我远远的看着她时而躬着身和别人讨价还价,时而把零碎的钱理了又理。昏暗的灯光下,嫂子的眼睛里闪烁着希望的光芒。   

十一点半,嫂子才提着编织袋回来,大口大口喘着粗气,一脸疲惫,却绽满笑容。看见我坐在桌前书,走过来摸摸我的头,“明明,饿了吧?嫂子做饭给你吃。”我背对着她点点头,不让她看见我眼里盈满的泪。那天晚上,嫂子晕倒在了厨房里。我听见轰隆一声之后冲进厨房,她侧躺在地上,脸色苍白。我赶紧将她背往医院。医生说嫂子是因为营养不良引起贫血,加上劳累过度才导致晕厥。我要在医院照顾她,被嫂子轰了出来,“快回家习功课,就要开学了,高一是很关键的一年。” 嫂子住了一天院就回家了,脸色仍然苍白。但她照常上班,晚上依然拎着那只编织袋去摆地摊。我实在忍不住,跑过去一把将编织袋夺了下来。嫂子似乎知道我发现了她的秘密,微笑着对我说,“明明,还差一点,再挣些就够了。”说完轻柔地从我手里拿过编织袋,斜着肩膀走进夜色。靠嫂子每晚几块几毛地挣,是远远不够支付学费的。嫂子向厂里哀求着预支了三个月的工资,还是差一点,她又去血站卖血。   嫂子本来就贫血,抽到300cc的时候,护士实在看不下去,才自作主张地拔了针头。这些嫂子都不曾说,是后来那位护士——我同学的姐姐说的。嫂子亲自把我送到学校,办理了入学手续,又到宿舍给我铺床叠被,忙里忙外。她走后,有同学说,“***对你真好!”我心里涌过一丝酸楚,“那不是我妈,是我嫂子。”同学们吁嘘不已,有人窃语,“这么老的嫂子?”我狠狠地瞪了他一眼。家离学校很远,每个月我才回去一次。每次回去,嫂子都会准备丰盛的饭菜招待我。临走还做好多的菜,装在透明的玻璃瓶里,告诉我哪些要先吃,哪些可以后吃。每次都是看着客车走远,嫂子才放下挥动的手。而每次回家,都发现嫂子又比上次苍老了许多。发现她头上竟然有了白发时,我念高二。为了供我上学,嫂子不光在外面摆地摊,还到纸箱厂联系了糊纸盒的业务,收摊回来或者遇上雨天不能外出摆地摊,她就坐在灯下糊纸盒。糊一个纸盒四分钱,材料是纸箱厂提供的。那次回家,看见她在灯光下一丝不苟地糊着,我说,“嫂子,我来帮你糊吧!”嫂子抬起头望了我一眼,额头上的皱纹像冬天的老树皮一样,一褶一褶的。失去光泽的黑发间,赫然有几根银丝参差着,那么醒目,像几把尖刀,锋利地插在我的心上。嫂子笑了笑,“不用了,你去书吧,明年就高三了,加紧冲刺,给我争口气。”我使劲地点头,转过身,眼泪像潮水一样汹涌。   

嫂子,您才二十六岁啊!想起嫂子刚嫁给大哥的时候,是那么年轻,光滑的脸上白里透红,一头乌黑的秀发挽起,就像电视里、挂历上的明星。我跑进屋里,趴在桌上任凭自己的眼泪扑簌簌直落。哭完,我拼命地看书、解题,我告诉自己即使不为自己,也要为嫂子好好读书。 我以全县文科状元的成绩考入了北一所名牌大学。收到录取通知书的那天,嫂子买了很大的一卷鞭炮,长长的一溜铺在地上,像条红色的火龙。嫂子点燃一支香,递给我,“明明,你去点鞭吧!”我接过香,就像接过嫂子所有的期盼和祝福。噼哩叭啦的鞭炮声引来了四乡八邻的人们。那天,嫂子的爹娘还有弟弟也来了,站在人群中。嫂子看见他们,走了过去,扑在她母亲肩上,失声痛哭。晚上,五个人围着一张桌吃饭。她弟弟拍拍我的肩膀说,“康明,你真该好好读书。” 我挨个敬了嫂子的家人,真诚地感谢他们给了我一个好嫂子。最后敬的是嫂子,她站起身,笑着说,“明明,一家人,就不要跟我客气了!” 大学里的生活和学习比在高中轻松得多,每年我都以优异的成绩获得学校的助学金。而且,还有许多课余时间去打工,半工半读,基本不需要家里的钱。嫂子却仍然每个月寄钱给我,要我吃饱穿暖,注意身体。某一天我对着那个记载着嫂子每次给钱的笔记本时,突然恨起自己来。嫂子给予我的,岂是一个笔记本可以记载?我狠狠地扇了自己一耳光,将笔记本撕得粉碎。   

大三没念完,我就被中关村的一家IT公司特招了。我将消息电告嫂子时,她激动不已,在电话那头哽咽着,“这下好了,这下好了,嫂子也不用为你操心了。康英也可以安息了。” 我突然迸出一句话来,“嫂子,等我毕业了,回来娶你!”嫂子听完,在那边扑哧笑出了声,“明明,你说什么混帐话呢!将来好好工作,争取给嫂子讨个北弟媳。 ”我倔强地说,“不,我要娶你。”嫂子挂断了电话。终于毕业了,我拿着公司预付的薪水兴高采烈地回到家里时,嫂子已经备好了饭菜,只等我回来。饭桌上,坐着一个四十多岁的男人。看见我回来,嫂子说,“康明,快叫张大哥。嫂子以后就去跟他过了。”那个男人站起来,和我握手,一边啧啧地说,“真不简单,大学生呢!”我和他只握了两秒钟,就跑到房间里去了。  

那天晚上,我没有吃饭。躺在床上一遍遍地在心里问,“嫂子,为什么,为什么不给我照顾你的机会?”   

没过多久,嫂子和那个姓张的男人就结了婚。我去了,喝了很多酒。嫂子也喝了不少,隐约听见她对别人说,“看,这就是我弟弟康明,名牌学校的大学生呢!在北工作。”言语之间充满了自豪。后来,因为工作繁忙,我不能时常回家,只将每个月的工资大半寄给嫂子,可每次嫂子都如数退回。她说,“明明,嫂子老都老了,又不花费什么,倒是你,该攒点钱成家立业才对。”还时不时给我寄来家乡的土特产,说,“明明,好好工作,早些成家立业,等嫂子老了的时候,就到你那里去住些日子,也去看看首都北,到时可别不认得老嫂子啊!” 我的眼泪就像洪水一样泛滥开来,我亲亲的嫂子,弟弟怎么可能忘记您?

没人能看到他的泪,因为他,在水里。

遥远遥远的一个海里,有一只很漂亮但是很孤单的大鱼。他没有朋友,没有玩耍的伙伴,没有自己的小窝,每天只是寂寞的在最深最冷的海底游荡,有很多的海草经常缠绕着它,他在这些美丽或不美丽的海草中穿行,听着寂寞的声音,一滴一滴,如它吐出的气泡。  
           
有一天,他终于厌倦这种冰冷和缠绕了,他向上游去,感觉到水的温度变暖了,但是心底仍是寂寞的声音。当他把头探出水面时,看到了温暖的太阳,明媚的世界,阔阔的海风,还有,还有,近处一朵浪花上坐着一条红色的小鱼。小鱼稳稳地坐在上面,随着浪花来来回回,仿佛坐摇篮一样,好开心的样子。          
 
小鱼也看到他了,很热情的向他打了个招呼,“嗨,老头鱼,你好啊?”嗯?这只鱼吓了一跳,我有这么老吗?她居然叫我老头鱼?他很生气的说,“你好没有礼貌啊,我还很年轻地,怎么能叫我老头呢?”小鱼哦了一声,装作明白了的样子,重新打招呼说,“你好啊,老爷爷鱼。”他气得切切的咬了几下自己的牙。小鱼嘻嘻笑着说,“再敢提意见,就叫你老不死的鱼。试试哦。”他被气得没办法,就只好笑了。心里想,有意思的小鱼。   
    
小鱼顺手拿出一个铁丝编成的空圈,舀了些海水,做成了一个水镜,然后递给他,一撇嘴说,“自己看看吧,好寂寞好老的样子。”他自己看了看,吓了好大一跳,的确是,一个寂寞的憔悴的人。小鱼把镜子收回去说,“你一定是经常呆在下面的缘故了,要记得经常上来晒晒太阳了,象我这个样子,关于晒太阳我是非常有经验的,哪里不懂来问我好了。”新鲜啊,没听说晒太阳还有什么说法。他想着,“那你说说吧。”小鱼笑了,说啊,其实简单的。就是当有太阳的时侯,你就出来,开始晒喽。大鱼笑了。这个充满了阳光味道的小鱼,挺有趣的啊。这样子,大鱼和小鱼成了朋友。经常逗逗嘴啊,聊聊天啊。大鱼来海面的时间越来越长了。时间长了以后,他们就成了好朋友了。  
大鱼很冷的,小鱼很暖的,大鱼很硬的,小鱼很软的,大鱼很忧郁的,小鱼很快乐的,大鱼很粗暴的,小鱼很温柔的,大鱼很安稳的,小鱼很淘气的,这只是它们的表现。其实大鱼也会很暖,小鱼也很冷,大鱼也会快乐,小鱼也会忧郁,大鱼也会淘气,小鱼也会安稳,大鱼也会温柔,小鱼却不会粗暴。两只很不同的鱼在一起会怎么样呢?当然经常吵架。
有时会吵到夜里两点,小鱼很气的,大鱼不爱哄她,一甩尾巴游到深海里去了,小鱼坐在浪花上对着月亮哭,眼泪一滴一滴的掉进海里,可大海必竟太大了,这点眼泪算什么呢?小鱼想了想就不哭了,没人哄,自己哄算了。她就自己坐在那里看着星星的大眼睛,对自己说,“小鱼小鱼别生气,我来我来哄哄你。惹你生气我不对,以后不再发脾气。真的对不起,以后一定爱护你。”说着她自己就笑了,脸上还挂着泪光呢。其实大鱼没那么狠心了,他在远远的看着小鱼呢。看到她自己哄自己,可是他不好意思过去。             
第二天他会装作什么也没看见的样子,又来找小鱼玩。小鱼很好哄的,睡了一觉以后就不记大鱼的仇了,看到他还是好开心的样子。慢慢地,日子这样一天一天过去了。大鱼开心的时侯也会逗逗小鱼的,有时侯他在水底的海草缠绕时,也会想一下那只浪花上坐着的小鱼在做什么。彼此虽然不同,但不妨碍他们互相的掂记。大鱼虽然喜欢和小鱼一起玩,但他是喜冷的鱼,他的家必竟是在海底。海底的石头虽然冷,海底的草虽然乱,海底的世界虽然寂寞,但对于他来说都是无比的真实。浪花上的小鱼虽然有趣,虽然温暖,但是对于他来说,越温暖就越虚幻,越明亮就越遥远。          
海里的任何鱼都不能为对方改变自己的属性的。不是不想改变,是不能改变。无论暖的变冷还是冷的变暖,无论海上的到海下还是海下的到海上定居,都只能是一种结局,因为无法适应而死去。大鱼来得多了,他已经感觉到不舒服了。他的鳞片在脱落,防卫的外衣在变软,这对他来说是可怕的现象,最后一次,他告诉小鱼,他不能再来看她了。浪花上的小鱼点点头,很乖的,不吵不闹,因为她心里都知道。            
这是他们最后一次一起晒太阳了,海面上微风轻轻吹着。大鱼的皮肤感觉到了痛,小鱼的心里感觉到了痛。小鱼的眼泪又一滴滴的掉进了海里。她看着大鱼说,“ 大鱼,我好想和你再吵一架。然后记得你坏坏的样子,就不用想你的好了,就不会很想你很想你了。”     
大鱼看着小鱼,慢慢地说,“你是我最讨厌最讨厌最讨厌的小家伙了。”然后他慢慢地把自己沉了下去,闭上眼睛,一片黑色,没有小鱼的声音了,只有海风的呼啸隐隐传来。         
大鱼终于回到了海底,很多年过去了。他再也没到海面上去过。因为他是勇敢的大鱼。偶尔他也会想起那只小鱼,不知道她过得怎么样了,有没有找到一个快乐的同伴一起玩耍呢,是不是偶尔会想起我呢。也曾托流动的海潮去探问一下她的消息,所有的回复都是,没有什么见过那条浪花上的小鱼。           
后来的一天,大鱼出去散步,突发奇想,很想到海面上转转,他向上游着,游到半路上忽然发现一个奇怪的东西,一架倒立的小鱼骨。肯定很多年了,骨都被海水刷成了奶白色了。只是奇怪,她还是头向着下的,仿佛尽管是死去,她也想游到底。大鱼游近了,忽然他不动了,化成了灰他也会认得出她的,这正是那只浪花上的小鱼。她来找他了,但是她太小了,她不能适应这种寒冷,却依然保持她心里的愿望,给这海洋一个倒立的身影,给这海洋一个游到底的决心,也给了这海洋一颗爱着的心。           大鱼抱着小鱼,仿佛抱着一个世上最好的宝贝,最亲的最柔的动作,慢慢的游着,向下游着,向底游着……游着……           
没人能看到他的泪,因为他,在水里。

Friday, August 8, 2008

恋爱癖

恋爱癖

原来遗忘总是那么的刻骨铭心,
想你的时候心还是那么的痛,
却仍喜欢一个人躲在无人角落静静的想你..
当喜欢变成爱,
当爱上以后,
仿佛迷失了原来的自己,
更多的是以对方为中心..
当爱上以后,
竟因为对方的一点小毛病而生气 ..
当爱上以后,
竟盲目地模糊对方所有的缺点,
竟不自觉地去包容对方的一切,
甚至为对方的不是,
找借口 ..
当爱上以后,
为了更适合对方,
竟情不自禁地改变自己..
当爱上以后,
关于自己的一切都想跟对方分享,
即使是一件细小的事情..
当爱上以后,
思念对方时,
不会马上找他,
仅因为害怕打扰了他..
当爱上以后,
时常会幻想与他共有的将来,
会因为他的一句“未来”感到喜悦万分..
当爱上以后,
会把鸡毛蒜皮的小事,
化成天大的要事告诉对方,
其实,
只是对方多在乎自己一点..
当爱上以后,
遇到麻烦时,
不会马上告知对方,
仅仅是不想对方担心..
当爱上以后,
对方的一句无心之言,
变成了自己纳闷的唯一理由..
当爱上以后,
在对方面前,
偏偏要装成一个孩子,
其实,
只是想被宠爱多一点 ..
当爱上以后,
即使被对方骂,
也只会傻傻地笑,
因为看到他着紧自己的样子。
当爱上以后,
竟不由自主地放下面子、矜持、尊严...
那些所谓很重要的东西 ..
当爱上以后,
即使心里很欣赏对方,
也不会说出口 ..
当爱上以后,
每当对方因为自己的言语感到无奈时,
会莫名地高兴 ..
当爱上以后,
不会要求对方许下什么诺言,
仅仅是不希望他(她)背负太多..
当爱上以后,
常常拿对方没办法,
会尽可能地满足他(她)所有的要求,
即使是多么横蛮无理 ..
当爱上以后,
会因对方不懂照顾自己而生气,
很想痛骂他(她)一顿,说出口的,
却都是柔情的关怀..
当爱上以后,
会为对方默默地付出,
不问回报。
当爱上以后,
原来很累,
对方的一点一滴都牵扯着自己的心..

this article i copy from one of my friend's blog.. i found it very meaningful and what the article described is very true.. so i wish to share with all my friends here..

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

心痛了。。

戴上耳机
熟悉的音乐在回绕着我
有人说
音乐能代表个人的心情
我点头赞同


“他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过”


“每当我想靠近
你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情
仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明
我们这段爱情”

“we are half a world away
让我坐上漂浮地铁走下去
也想着你”

“我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你
难道这还不够”

“期待
期待你发现我的爱
无所不在
我自然而然的关怀
你的存在
心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱”

重复的歌词
一遍又一遍地环绕在我的听觉的范围里
很多事情都是得靠感觉
但是感觉并不一定正确
忽冷忽热的对待
我想用平常心来对待
猜测的心情并不好受
胡思乱想
又这样过了一夜
心情的起伏不定
是时候控制了
你不会累
但我却已开始觉得累了
我可以休息一会儿吗?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

献给特别的你。。

人活这一辈子, 总会碰到几个特别的人,这类人可能只是你纯粹的精神寄托,但他不能被单纯的划归为朋友,因为他对你倾注的关爱超出了一般朋友的界限和理念,可你和他又不曾 有过将之升华为爱人的那种,你们之间或者常常淡如水。所以,这一类人,应该是介于情人与朋友之间的。那,你和他之间的那种情感,那种超乎于寻常的友情、又 不能简单的归类到爱情的情感,也只能是介于友情与爱情之间,也许你将它凌驾于友情与爱情之上。

他,可能曾经因你悲伤难过轻拍过你的背,可能因你怕黑牵过你的手,可能因你迷茫哭泣拥你入怀安抚,却,仅止于此。他的心时刻对你敞开,他的肩膀时刻准备让 你依靠,你却只将他的容颜刻在了心房上。你静静的想他,默默地念他。在你快乐的想唱歌欢跳时,你会在第一时间告诉他,因为你希望他在你的身边一起分享你的 快乐和无忧,一同拥抱幸福。当你忧愁烦恼的时候,你同样会想起他,你依然希望他能陪在你身边,给你个坚实的臂弯让你靠。尽管你不需要他的任何语言何安慰,只要倚在他的身边,你就会心静如水,熬过所有锥心疼痛。可事实上,你却不曾向他诉说过,你怕属于自己的 那份忧伤妨碍他平静的生活,你不想让他同你一起承担痛苦,你只是热切的希望他的世界里只有阳光沐浴。你或许会因为一首怀旧的老歌、一幕恋人的牵手想起他, 想起他的宽容,想起他的宠爱。你或许会因为一道似曾相识的风景、一种触动心灵的相似的容颜想起他,想起他的真诚,想起他的执著。你更会因为午夜的星空、遥 远的月亮想起他,想起他曾经带给你的欢乐,想起他带给你的无眠的美好……此时,你的心里总是暖暖的,有三分美好,有三分感动,有三分憧憬,更有一分执著。 你会执著于与他的情与他的缘。他的叮咛,他的嘱咐,让你含着泪水说:你好罗嗦好烦人哦。心里却酸酸的,你不求拥有,只盼能痴痴的守侯。你想绑住他在身旁,却怕妨碍他在蓝天白云间翱翔的自由,那些世俗的传统的道德理念,因他而瓦解,即使成为世人眼中的叛离者。而你只是在心底深处为这个人留了一个小小的空间,静静地固守着那份说不清的情感。即使陪伴寂寞,你亦不会后悔!

生命有时是无奈的,生活有时又是残酷的。当你觉得生命象一潭死水,寂静的没有一圈涟漪泛起时,你会心慌;当你觉得生活如一棵枯树,风干的寻不到一点生命的 迹象时,你会心悸,你怕被生命遗忘,你怕被生活吞噬,但是,因为有了他的存在,你的生命多了条雨后的彩虹,你的生活有了满目的苍翠。也许,终其一生你们也 不会产生经典的“执子之手,与子偕老”的爱情故事,但是,你会因为拥有了这样一个朋友,更加的热爱自己的生活,珍惜自己的生命。其实,你和他注定是两条没 有交集的线段、夜空中闪烁的两颗永不相撞的星,不会酝酿出爱情果实,而且,你觉得似乎谈起爱情就亵渎了你们之间这份感情,这只能是一种超乎自然的、凌驾于 爱情和友情之上的纯纯的另类情感。因为拥有了这种超然的情感,你变得更加的懂得坚强的生活,含笑走过那平淡的生命。即使没有一起慢慢变老,你依然心醉,为 你拥有了那些无尽的回想与幻想,回想从前,幻想未来……

你会很高兴,曾经拥有过那样一位朋友,曾经拥有过那样一份感情,纯净而又淡然,真挚而又绵长。你想他念他,或许你们的相识相知只是瞬间,可要彻底地忘记他却将花费你的一生,甚至终其一生他都会盘踞在你的内心深处,但是,你却很感激命运, 感谢上苍给了你这样一个人,一个让你在这个世界上不在孤单,不寂寞的人,即使是痛苦,也甜过麻木和苍白……虽然,他不会永远的陪伴在你的身边,虽然,你不 曾要求他为你做些什么,你却希望他会过很很好,过的幸福安康,因为你知道他也希望你过的很好,他也希望你能好好照顾自己,哪怕万水千山。如果再见面时,他 希望你能告诉他你很幸福! 在这复杂的社会当中,在这无奈的人生当中,有这样一个人,当你不慎跌倒时,只要一抬头就可以看到关爱,当你走得疲倦时,只要一转身就可以找到依靠;有这样 一种情感,当你受伤时会及时给予你宽慰,当你绝望时会及时拯救你的灵魂,你还奢求什么?这样一个人、这样一种情感,让你飘荡的心变得柔软脆弱,让饱受折磨 的心拥有了温润的一隅,更让你独享着一生眷恋和牵伴、一世宽容和给予,拥有着今生的思念与回忆、来生的执著与寄托!

有一种情感,只能拿心去感受;有一种情感,只能用心去储藏。有一种情感只能深藏在心底,时间越长越能感觉到它的美丽。

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

:,<

走在人挤人的走道我问了自已
没有爱情的人是否会长命
那些电影常常让人感觉甜蜜
但是我不相信

坐在没有人的角落我又问自已
究竟应该继续还是该放弃
没有人能了解我现在的心情
想看你想躲你难以决定
每当我想靠近你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里它只是个游戏

我只想要靠近也很想要抱紧
会想到那过去和现在新的你
我还想要参与你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去

能不能够让我再说我爱你
还是你已不想听
能不能够把你彻底的忘记
我是真的搞不清

只要你再相信
我们会轻轻地靠在一起

最近的心情
就是如此
到底
喜欢一个爱你比你爱他更多的人好
还是一个你爱他比他爱你的人好
我不知所措

Saturday, July 12, 2008

爱你??还是恨你??

你我的相遇可说是缘分的造就吧。
常在想,你我会有发展的空间吗?
对你的感觉,
并不那么的踏实。。
这是喜欢吗?
对于你的忽冷忽热,
真的感到没安全感,
对于你讲过的话,
都带着半信半疑的心态。
在你对我很冷淡的当儿,
我会对自己说,
算了,他不值得我去喜欢的。
可是,
当你只是稍微地对我好一点,
我的心又在动摇了。
可能女人就是这样吧。
女人和男人都很善变的。
女人善变的是脸,
而男人善变的是心,
这句话是真的吗?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

生气。。谢谢。。

我现在真的是气上头了。。
朋友是这样的吗?
他们有当过我是朋友吗?
这种滋味真的很难受。。
当我很生气的时候,
其实我需要的只是一个听众。。
一个能让我把心里的愤怒讲完出来,
我只需要这种的发泄方法。。
不用一会儿,
我的心情就好多了。。
可能你不相信,
可是我真的没有一次真正的生气过一个人。。
这次,
我真的很想谢谢一个人。。
当我需要一个听众时,
他出现了。。
他没给太多的意见,
他只是静静的聆听我的苦诉,
让我把心里的不满发泄出来。。
没多久,
我们还慢慢的谈起其他事情。。
我也把那不满给忘掉了。。
心中的愤怒和不满,
如果能适合的发泄出来,
那也是种好事吧。。
谢谢你。。

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

after 3 years...

3 years i have been left school.. 3 years i have been enjoying my university life.. and 3 years my secondary school, amc had lost the champion title to rps (the only school that can fight with amc in perak in netball field) in a premier cup netball competition.. if i am not mistaken, our school netball team has been the champion for this premier cup for 8 years continuously and my batch was the last year of getting the champion.. this year we put high hope on the players and hope to get back the champion title from rps.. early of this month, all the players were busy preparing themselves for the final vs rps.. amc's coach was busy finding the best combination for the whole team.. the coach had gave a lot efforts on it so that they can get back the title.. pressure from the surrounding make the players breath hardly.. and because of this, sweats and tears are the elements that accompanying them through out this few months..
on that early morning (5/7/08), the final between amc and rps was held in msn (a building in stadium ipoh).. there were a lot students from each school came to support their own team..

i will just highlight some of the things happened during the match..

  • one of our player injured 30 seconds after the match started.. ( clumsy is the word to describe that girl.. haha.. )
  • amc's coach argued with the referees due to some technical problems.. (it is about the score.. the referee was given extra time to the opponent team.. that time amc was leading 9 balls.. so no point for amc argue with the referee..)
  • a CUTE rps shooter (GS) had showed a 'cute' face to the amc (GK) when rps missed the ball.. (i am wondering whats wrong with the GS.. she should be up sad due to the mistake but she showed a silly action that time by showing her tongue out.. her action was making me and my friend laughed like hell at the side of the court.. haha.. too bad i didn't take the picture down..)
  • after 1 hour of playing, amc beat rps by the score 48-36.. (congratulation to the amc team.. although i know is a bit late.. and also to the coach.. she can finally have a good sleep that night i guess..)
  • all the seniors and the ex seniors played a 3/4 full court (because not enough people) after the match ended.. (this is because a senior came back from Australia didn't touch netball for a long time.. so other seniors became the victims to accompanied her for a 20 minutes short game..)
  • the funniest thing happened when a girl fall down when she was playing with another girl.. (the whole process is in my mind because i saw it.. from the moment she run till fall down.. haha.. the floor was shaking that time i guess.. haha..)
  • every year, the premier final is like a gathering for all the ex seniors.. they will come and support the team if they are free.. so hope we will meet next year again..
  • all the best to the team and hope that they can be the national champion..

shaking hands between the 2 teams players (game ended)


amc's coach was arguing with the referees

the loyal supporters (which included some of the ex seniors)

the silly girl fall down.. the earth was shaking that time.. haha..

proud of you all.. good job..


Sunday, May 25, 2008

21st birthday celebration..


the 1st birthday celebration for my 21st birthday should be on wed nite.. a few of my church's friends bought a cake n celebrate with me after our care group end.. but then there was something happen before the celebration.. i dropped my wallet at my apartment's car park.. luckily the guard found it.. thank god.. the guard told my friend that she seldom ronda around our apartment but that night she suddenly felt boring and went for ronda.. n my wallet is in dark blur color.. it is not easy to notice tis kind of color in a car park which just a few lamp pole around.. i really thank god for that.. cant imagine with what mood i will celebrate my birthday if i lost my wallet that day.. after the first celebration, is time to shift to my gang of celebration d.. actually i know they wanna celebrate my birthday earlier with me since i am going back to ipoh on the next day.. since wed morning i was so worry.. for your info, my gang of friends not as simple as you all think.. they can sot until very ABNORMAL.. so i was worry my own safety condition since i know they will celebrate for me.. but then i know i cant run away so i have to accept it.. 1st program, watch movie.. the movie was really nice because the actress are all my buddies of course including me.. i hope they wont kill me when they see this.. the movie title are "Cinderella" and "3 pigs and a wolf".. whoever watch it before will know what i mean lah.. sorry to the 4 actress inside.. i don't mean it gah.. my friend steal the movie from my external hardisk.. after tat, was ghost movie.. i think it was a boring movie actually cause not scary at all.. the only person who feel scare i think is botak koo only.. hehe.. the game had just started after the movie section ends. our "favorite" game, AIYA BOMBA.. all the "enemy" of mine were fighting to sit beside me so that they can balas dendam.. i was tried not to say so much thing that night so that i wont b the victim and my strategy plan was successful and thank to derrick.. he had took my place and keep saying something that make ppl aim him as the victim.. haha.. so i was safe that night.. erm.. maybe i should say not as bad as i think.. the leg still bengkak but at least i still can walk the next day.. hehe.. since 2.45am got champions league's final so we need to end this section earlier.. cake was out and time to feel the "pain" d... as usual, i was asked to take out the candle from the cake (luckily flour become more expensive, no cake to play for them.. haha.. )but then 3 bottle of cream were ready to attack me.. my hair, face, legs and hands were fulled with cream.. i washed my hair for 5 times and body for 4 times only can wash away all the cream.. haiz.. after that, we went to mamak stall watched the final.. manu won by penalty.. it was a great game.. terry was so unlucky to miss the penalty.. i support chelsea but then i was happy that ronaldo missed the penalty kick.. haha..
on 23 of may, i received a lot msg, calls that wish me happy birthday.. thankz to all of my friends.. i wanted to list all ur names out here but it will take a long time so u know who you are lah.. thankz again.. theng treat me sushi on fri afternoon.. that was my 2nd time eat sushi in sushi king.. hehe.. but really had fun with her.. at night, went for dinner with my family.. we went to simpang pulai there fo our dinner.. the food there was quite nice.. but then got a bit sound pollutions.. (thats the disadvantage of having karaoke in restaurant) hehe.. after the dinner, went home for cake n photo section.. my parents gave me a necklace as 21st birthday present.. honestly, this is the 1st time my parents gave me birthday present.. haha.. cant believe leh.. but its true.. hehe.. sat night, went to meet my exclassmates.. had fun chatting with them.. alotz memories came out that night.. now all busy with own life so its hard to meet actually.. my secondary life become meaningful and memorable because of this gang of friend.. thankz my friends.. waiting for another gathering ya.. haha..
thats how i spent my weekend in ipoh.. actually it looks nothing but it means alot to me.. tis year is a special year for me.. everyone out there, i can enter casino d.. haha.. thankz again for everthing..

Saturday, April 26, 2008

友情

我最重视的除了家人之外,就只有友情了。讲真,我对友情没什么安全感。可能那都是以前所经历的,觉得很难去维持一段长久的友谊。对,认识我的人都会说我交友满天下,是一个很有人缘的人,我赞同这说法,可是其实这不是我想要得。我想要的,是一段长久的友谊。我很在乎我每一位我关心的朋友,只要他们需要我的帮忙,我都会尽我所能伸出我的援手。可是,为什么我就不能得到一个长久的友情?为什么?当我觉得我找到一个我可以信任的,一个我觉得可以交心的,一个让我觉得我并不是孤独的,但是最后我们却只能回到普通朋友的位子?是我自己的问题吗?我察觉到,我很被动。我不会主动关心一个人,我一直在等别人找我诉苦,发泄。我想要关心,但却害怕。害怕我打扰他,害怕他嫌我烦,害怕这个,害怕那个。我之前看到以下的东西,令我非常赞同,因为这就是时常发生在我身上的:

  1. Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy
  2. And Will Not Contact Thinking It May Be Disturbing
  3. As Time Passes
  4. Both Will Think Let The others Contact
  5. After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First ?
  6. Here Your Love Will Be Converted To Hate
  7. Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak
  8. They Forget Each Other.
我知道这就是因为我失去那么多我认为可以交心的朋友。可是我却从来没改过,可能我就是注定孤独吧!

Friday, April 25, 2008

点名游戏。。

點名規則:
A.被點到名字的要在自己的博客裏寫下自己的答案,然後去掉一個你最不喜歡的問題再加上一個你的問題,
仍然組成20個問題,傳給其他8 個人,列出其他8個需要回答問題的人的名字,還要到這8個人的博客裏留言通知對方----你被點名了,
被點名者不得拒絕回答問題,完成遊戲的人將會永遠得到大家的祝福。

B.這8個人要在自己的博客裏註明是從哪裏接到的,並且再傳給其他8個人,讓遊戲繼續下去,不得囘傳。
被點到名字的人將會得到大家的祝福,並且所有美好的願望都會在不久的將來實現。

点我的人是 - my partner in prefectorial board (canteen areahead) - ng foong yee

1.小时候的理想是什么?
能成为一位医生,救会我已去世的爷爷。

2.这辈子最快乐的是什么事?
看到我周围的人开心。

3.你最害怕的东西
去世。

4.你有多久没有傻笑了
我差不多每天都在傻笑。哈哈。

5.你最想去哪個地方?爲什麽?
海边。因为那可让我觉得平静,安心。

6.最受不了自己哪個缺點?
被动,没自信。

7.如果有不開心的事情,你會怎麽辦?
听音乐。

8.最害怕失去的东西?
家人和好朋友。

9.五年内比较现实的目标是什么?
毕业后可以找到一份好工,报答父母。

10.你会怎样对待曾经背叛你的朋友?
先了解原因,但我不会记仇。

11.說出點你名的人的3個優點?
认真,负责任,功课好。

12.孤独是什么?
让我独自思考的时间。

13.喜欢什么类型的人?
幽默和有运动细胞的人。

14.什么原因开始写部落格??
因为一个朋友。

15.上一次感动是何时?
有一年的纪律营,我的学长为了照顾我而牺牲他的睡眠时间。

16.去过最美的地方是哪里?
云顶的日出。

17.你吃过最好吃的是什么?
妈妈烧的菜。

18.对你而言什么是人与人之间最佳的相处方法?
坦白和信任。

19.你认为男女之间不可能做好朋友吗?
不这么认为,好朋友不会因为性别而改变的。

20.如果能让你实现一个愿望,会是什么?
我要我的家人和朋友健健康康和快快乐乐,世界和平。

======================================================

点名:
我不懂要写谁,希望任何看到这个部落格的人都可以给我回应。这可让你更了解自己。不信??你试试就懂了。谢谢。。

Thursday, April 10, 2008

BBQ "night"??

Can u ever start a bbq section around 2 o’clock early in the morning?? Wow.. guess wat?? tat day was my 1st time in my life or mayb the last time.. Hehe.. that day I on9 til 2am.. ald off my comp n planned to sleep d.. suddenly got ppl knocked my door loudly.. I wondered who is that.. when im opened my door, kim stood in front of me, gave me a evil smile.. tat time I ald noe sumthing sure will happen d.. she asked for my help to shift something from her car.. all were all bbq stuffs and foods.. OMG.. what she wana do?? after I helped her shifted the stuffs up while she parking her car, I quickly went in my room locked the door to avoid myself of something that goin to happen.. but then in the end I stil cant run away from it.. v started our bbq nite (erm… shud b bbq morning?? Hehe..) around 3am.. v tried start the fire but then in the end v canceled our insane plan.. the reason was v staying in uniten’s apartment and they not allow us to cook inside the apartment.. if cook wif rice cooker or microwave shud b ok, but not wif gas or bbq LIKE THIS.. we illegally tried start the fire, but the smoke really smelly and obvious.. we sked other ppl will tot our house on fire or mayb the smoke wil active the sensor around our apartment.. n all this will cause a very big affect I guess.. mayb kena kick out of uniten’s apartment or worst cum to worst, kick out from uniten.. v dun dare to take tis challenge so in the end v canceled our bbq plan and changed to cook with microwave n rice cooker.. lamb chop, hot dog, bread, mushroom and etc were our indigrient for this morning.. haha.. although v jz SIMPLY cook (simply means they jz add whatever they saw on the table in the food) but then the food were really nice.. sure im one of the chief oso.. haha.. just makan was too boring to my housemates so they bought wine and beers oso.. wow.. Instead of too boring, I guess they are making me mabuk more loh.. they jz make me drink drink n drink ni.. half way they tot I mabuk d but then sure im not.. im jz pura2 ni.. they asked me sum stupid ques, hope 2 get sum secret from me.. but sorry.. I haven mabuk yet so no secret can cum out from my mouth.. haha.. they noe I stil haven mabuk so action went on.. keep make me drink the wine again.. wah.. I tink I drunk at least half of the bottle loh.. I cannot tahan d.. the head like having a party inside.. damn pening.. so I said I need to sleep d.. when I went in my room.. I straight away pengsan.. cant rmb wat happened after tat.. mayb I nd 2 ask my housemates bout it.. hehe.. that’s the special bbq section that ever happened in my life.. although It sound insane but I tink was quite fun.. haha.. I will keep tis memory in my mind since im goin to away from my housemates at least 3 months.. gonna miss the 3 stupid gals.. haha…

部落格

从何时开始,部落格已成了我生活的一部分?
我已不记得何时何月了,
但我却记得我friendster的部落格诞生,
是因为某个人。。
还得多谢她,把部落格带进我的生命里。。
部落格,
曾经是因为她而写的。。
可是现在就不同了,
我的部落格不会因为某人而写,
我的部落格因为自己而写。。
部落格已成为我诉说心情的对象,
它不会给我任何回应,
也不会给我任何劝告,
但它就是能让我心情轻松,
把压力推开。。
可能又时候,
人需要的是一个能倾诉的对象,
而不是互相讨论的对象。。
他只要一个静静聆听他的烦恼和心情的对象,
而只有死物才能真正做到这一点。。
除了自己喜欢写部落格之外,
我还喜欢读别人的部落格。。
因为它能让我更了解某人,
或是从中看透了什么。。
我这人常能从一些普通的事情看透一些道理,
可能你们会说我想太多了吧,
但我却觉得这样不错啊,
可以一直学习一些从课本上学不到的东西。。
部落格,
你真的帮了我很多,
你比任何朋友都更忠心。。
和你结友,
我才感受到那份安全感。。

Saturday, April 5, 2008

原则。。

一个学期又这样过去了。。
忙碌的生活,
暂时可以告一段落。。
人生无论多么难过的,
无论多么忙碌,
无论多么的大压力,
生活还是得继续的。。
就有如我的考试生活,
是很累啊,
是很大压力啊,
是很不好过啊,
可是无论怎样它现在也已经结束了。。
有一句老套话,
开心也要过,
不开心也要过,
为什么不开开心心得过??
其实,
这可是我做人的原则。。
所以在我身边的朋友,
时常说我整天笑嘻嘻的,
考试期间,
虽然很大压力,
但我就在那期间变得更加的傻,
来掩盖我和我朋友的压力。。
不相信吧??
可是那真的是我读书的态度。。
有用吗??
对我来说还不错,
压力总被我的傻给暂时打败
也许是那一阵子,
可是我觉得那一点也非常有用。。
虽然我的成绩一直以来都不能说很好,
可是,
我对我所得到的成绩感到骄傲,
因为那时我自己的努力所换来的。。
当然,
我也有时不受控制的被压力打倒。
可是我很快就能站起来了,
因为我一直坚守我的原则,
“笑一笑,没什么事情过不了”
“开心也要过,不开心也要过,为什么不开开心心地过??

Saturday, March 29, 2008

电影

今天考完我的numec's paper,就和我的一班朋友到巴生吃肉骨茶和看电影。。因为之前学业真的令我透不过气来,所以我已很久没有看电影了。。今天我看的电影是-----"老师嫁老大"。。它可是一部喜剧,可是我却觉得它的内容非常感人。。它让人知道现在的社会到底变成怎样了。。可能我们没遇到类似的事情,可是那并不代表没有 这样的事情存在。。你没有遇到,那是因为你幸运而已,可是你可以肯定你会一世都会有好运吗??"大耳聋",我想大家都懂那是什么职业吧。。"大耳聋",我对这个名字很反感,因为它在我印象中是个无所不做的坏蛋。。(我没经历过,应该是看太多电影吧)他们借钱给有需要的人,是在帮助人。。可是他们也因为要讨回那笔钱,不择手段,利息比马来西亚双峰塔还要高。。试问,如果那人是有能力在短时间还那笔钱加利息的话,我想那人也不会借钱吧。。为了讨回那笔钱,那些"大耳聋"会在墙壁上写大字报,漆油满墙都是,恐吓人,放火烧屋子,打人等等。。我也不晓得还有什么了。。对,借钱就要还钱是天经地义的。。可是当别人没有钱还的时候,有必要去伤害无辜的人吗?最悲伤就是这里了。。就如电影了所说的。。无辜的人就是代表无罪的。。当你们在伤害他们时,当然你觉得那是无所谓的,因为她或他并不是你的谁,你不在意更不介意。。故事的最后,那班无辜的小孩,就是"大耳聋"把他们最亲的人给逼死的小孩,一起联手来对那班无恶不作的"大耳聋"。。他们把那班"大耳聋"的亲人都抓起来,在他们面前折磨他们的亲人,那时冷漠无情的"大耳聋",就知道什么是无辜了。。"大耳聋"们一直强调,他们是无辜的,不要伤害他们,报复在我身上就好了。。一人做事一人当。。好有英雄气味的一句话哦。。可是之前他们也不过当这些话为狗屁。。在这紧逼得时刻,狗屁话却是从他们口中出来的。。好笑吧。。这就是我要在这部落格想表达的东西,不只是"大耳聋",其实你身边每一件事情也都一样。。当你对某人做出某些事情时,试想想如果那也发生在你身上,那是什么感觉。。有些事情,发生了就无法在补救了。。所以在我们在做任何决定时,请为他人着想一下,你的每一个决定不止会影响你,可能也是你周围的人,甚至是你不认识的人。。

Saturday, March 22, 2008

漂浮地铁

如果我踏上漂浮的地铁,我是否就能到你身边??

当我想念你时,你是否也在想念着我??

很想靠近你,可是担心距离会因此而拉远....

我矛盾 , 我犹豫 , 我彷徨..

我该怎么办??



Tuesday, March 11, 2008

命运

命运,
不是普通人可以掌握的。。
命运到底是什么??
我也不晓得。。
可是我知道每个人的命运都不同。。
有的人可以一世好运,
有的人却总是被厄运纠缠。。
没有人会觉得自己是很幸福的,
因为他们不晓得辛苦的滋味。。
之前的我,
每当遇到一些困难时,
就会觉得自己很倒霉,
一直抱怨上天为什么不给我这个不给我那个。。
可能现在长大了,
思想的空间也不一样了。。
也可能是我体会到什么才是真正的厄运,
所以现在我觉得我比别人还来的幸福。。
有很多事情,
我以为只有在连续剧里的情节才会有,
我以为那是不可能发生在现实生活中的。。
以为,
其实也不过是我自己的以为。。
当我离开学校后,
接触的人和东西就不一样了,
我才慢慢了解现实是残酷的。。
只有当我真的接触到,
我才懂原来我是那么幸福的。。
命运,
冥冥中只有安排。。
有人说命运是可以自己掌握的,
可是真的是如此吗??
我不晓得。。
有一些人,
年纪小小承受的东西就比别人多,
而有一些人,
却觉得什么都是理所当然的。。
当你受到一些挫折时,
怨天怨地,
很想放弃时,
你可否想过,
在远方的某一处,
某些人,
比你遇到的挫折还要多,
遇到的挫折比你还要大,
而他们却还是辛辛苦苦的继续他们的生活。。
因为他们相信一切很快就会雨过天晴的。。
就是因为那个信念,
把他们给支撑着。。
还记得,
以前我的家有很多蚊子,
把我叮得痒痒的。。
我总爱向妈妈投诉,
“很痒啊! 很痒啊!”
有一次,
当我在投诉的当儿,
妈妈很大力地向我的身体打下来,
我顿时傻眼了,
之后就哭出来了,
因为真的很痛。。
然后哭着问妈妈为什么要打我??
妈妈回答,
因为有蚊子啊。。
我那时当然除了痛,
什么也感觉不到了。。
现在回想,
我得到一个启示,
当我尝过什么是痛时,
我就会觉得痒其实是没什么的。。
只要我们经历过一些事情,
我们才能真正体会到那种感觉。。
也正是因为我体会过,
所以我才会珍惜我的所有,
才会知道其实我真的很幸福的。。
朋友,
痛你都尝过了,
痒还算的了什么??

Sunday, March 9, 2008

車票

我從小就怕過母親節,因為我生下不久,就被母親遺棄了。每到母親節,我就會感到不自然,因為母親節前後,電視節目全是歌頌母愛的歌,電台更是如此,即使做個餅乾廣告,也都是母親節的歌。對我而言,每一首這種歌曲都是消受不了的。我生下一個多月,就被人在新竹火車站發現了我,車站附近的警察們慌作一團地替我餵奶,這些大男生找到一位會餵奶的婦人,要不是她,我恐怕早已哭出病來了。等到我吃飽了奶,安詳睡去,這些警察伯伯輕手輕腳地將我送到了新竹縣寶山鄉的德蘭中心,讓那些成天笑嘻嘻的天主教修女傷腦筋。

我沒有見過我的母親,小時候只知道修女們帶我長大。晚上,其他的大哥哥、大姊姊都要唸書,我無事可做,只好纏著修女,她們進聖堂唸晚課,我跟著進去,有時鑽進了祭台下面玩耍,有時對著在祈禱的修女們做鬼臉,更常常靠著修女睡著了,好心的修女會不等晚課唸完,就先將我抱上樓去睡覺,我一直懷疑她們喜歡我,是因為我給她們一個溜出聖堂的大好機會。

我們雖然都是家遭變故的孩子,可是大多數都仍有家,過年、過節叔叔伯伯甚至兄長都會來接,只有我,連家在那裡,都不知道。也就因為如此,修女們對我們這些真正無家可歸的孩子們特別好,總不准其他孩子欺侮我們。我從小功課不錯,修女們更是找了一大批義工來做我的家教。屈指算來,做過我家教的人真是不少,他們都是交大、清大的研究生和教授,工研院、園區內廠商的工程師。 教我理化的老師,當年是博士班學生,現在已是副教授了。教我英文的,根本就是位正教授,難怪我從小英文就很好了。修女也壓迫我學琴,小學四年級,我已擔任聖堂的電風琴手,彌撒中,由我負責彈琴。

由於我在教會裡所受的薰陶,所以,我的口齒比較清晰,在學校裡,我常常參加演講比賽,有一次還擔任畢業生致答詞的代表。可是我從來不在慶祝母親節的節目中擔任重要的角色。 我雖然喜歡彈琴,可是永遠有一個禁忌,我不能彈母親節的歌。我想除非有人強迫我彈,否則我絕不會自已去彈的。我有時也會想,我的母親究竟是誰 , 看了小說以後,我猜自己是個私生子。爸爸始亂終棄,年輕的媽媽只好將我遺棄了。 大概因為我天資不錯,再加上那些熱心家教的義務幫忙,我順利地考上了新竹省中,大學聯招也考上了成功大學土木系。

在大學的時候,我靠工讀完成了學業,帶我長大的孫修女有時會來看我,我的那些大老粗型的男同學,一看到她,馬上變得文雅得不得了。很多同學知道我的身世以後都會安慰我,說我是修女們帶大的,怪不得我的氣質很好。畢業那天,別人都有爸爸媽媽來,我的唯一親人是孫修女,我們的系主任還特別和她照相。服役期間,我回德蘭中心玩,這次孫修女忽然要和我談一件嚴肅的事,她從一個抽屜裡拿出一個信封,請我看看信封的內容。信封裡有二張車票,孫修女告訴我,當警察送我來的時候,我的衣服裡塞了這兩張車票,顯然是我的母親用這些車票從她住的地方到新竹車站的,一張公車票從南部的一個地方到屏東市。另一張火車票是從屏東到新竹,這是一張慢車票,我立刻明白我的母親應該不是有錢人。

孫修女告訴我,她們通常並不喜歡去找出棄嬰的過去身世,因此她們一直保留了這兩張車票,等我長大了再說。她們觀察我很久,最後的結論是我很理智,應該有能力處理這件事了。她們曾經去過這個小城,發現小城人極少,如果我真要找出我的親人,應該不是難事。我一直想和我的父母見一次面,可是現在拿了這兩張車票,我卻猶豫不決了。我現在活得好好的,有大學文憑,甚至也有一位快要談論終生大事的女朋友,為什麼我要走回過去,去尋找一個完全陌生的過去?何況十有八九,找到的恐怕是不愉快的事實。孫修女卻仍鼓勵我去,她認為我已有光明的前途,沒有理由讓我的身世之謎永遠成為心的陰影,她一直勸我要有最壞的打算,既使發現的事實不愉快,應該不至於動搖我對自己前途的信心。

我終於去了。

這個我過去從未聽過的小城,是個山城,從屏東市要坐一個多小時的公車,才能到達。雖是南部,因為是冬天,總有一家派出所、一家鎮公所、一所國民小學、一所國民中學,然後就什麼都沒有了。我在派出所和鎮公所裡來來回回地跑,終於讓我找到了兩筆與我似乎有關的資料,第一筆是一個小男孩的出生資料,第二個是這小男生家人來申報遺失的資料,遺失就在我被遺棄的第二天,出生在一個多月以前。據修女們的記錄,我被發現在新竹車站時,只有一個多月大。看來我找到我的出生資料了。 問題是:我的父母都已去世了,母親幾個月以前去世的。我有一個哥哥,這個哥哥早已離開小城,不知何處去了。

畢竟這個小城,誰都認識誰,派出所的一位老警員告訴我,我的媽媽一直在那所國中裡做工友,他馬上帶我去看國中的校長。校長是位女士,非常熱忱地歡迎我。她說的確我的媽媽一輩子在這裡做工友,是一位非常慈祥的老太太,我的爸爸非常懶,別的男人都去城裡找工作,只有他不肯走,小城做些零工,小城根本沒有什麼零工可做,因此他一輩子靠我的媽媽做工友過活。因為不做事,心情也就不好,只好借酒澆愁,喝醉了,有時打我的媽媽,有時打我的哥哥。事後雖然有些後悔,但積習難改,媽媽和哥哥被鬧了一輩子,哥哥在國中二年級的時後,索性離家出走,從此沒有回來。

這位老媽媽的確有過第二位兒子,可是一個月大以後,神秘地失蹤了。校長問了我很多事,我一一據實以告,當她知道我在北部的孤兒院長大以後。她忽然激動了起來,在櫃子裡找出了一個大信封,這個大信封是我母親去世以後,在她枕邊發現的,校長認為裡面的東西一定有意義,決定留了下來,等他的親人來領。我以顫抖的手,打開了這個信封,發現裡面全是車票,一套一套從這個南部小城到新竹縣寶山鄉的來回車票,全部都保存得好好的。校長告訴我,每半年我的母親會到北部去看一位親戚,大家都不知道這親戚是誰,只感到她回來的時候心情就會很好。母親晚年信了佛教,她最得意的事是說服了一些信佛教的有錢人,湊足了一百萬台幣,捐給天主教辦的孤兒院,捐贈的那一天,她也親自去了。

我想起來了,有一次一輛大型遊覽車帶來了一批南部到北部來進香的善男信女。他們帶了一張一百萬元的支票,捐給我們德蘭中心。修女們感激之餘,召集所有的小孩子和他們合影,我正在打籃球,也被抓來, 老大不情願地和大家照了一張像。現在我居然在信裡找到了這張照片,我也請人家認出我的母親,她和我站得不遠。更使我感動的是我畢業那一年的畢業紀念冊,有一頁被影印了以後放在信封裡,那是我們班上同學戴方帽子的一頁,我也在其中。 我的媽媽,雖然遺棄了我,仍然一直來看我,她甚至可能也參加了我大學的畢業典禮。

校長的聲音非常平靜,她說︰「你應該感謝你的母視,她遺棄了你,是為了替你找一個更好生活環境,你如留在這裡,最多只是國中畢業以後去城裡做工,我們這裡幾乎很少人能進高中的。弄得不好,你吃不消你爸爸的每天打罵,說不定也會像你哥哥那樣離家出走,一去不返。」校長索性找了其他的老師來,告訴了他們有關我的故事,大都恭喜我能從國立大學畢業,有一位老師說,他們這裡從來沒有學生可以考取國立大學的。我忽然有一個衝動,我問校長校內有沒有鋼琴,她說她們的鋼琴不是很好的,可是電風琴卻是全新的。

我打開了琴蓋,對著窗外的冬日夕陽,我一首一首地彈母親節的歌,我要讓人知道,我雖然在孤兒院長大,可是我不是孤兒。因為我一直有那些好心而又有教養的修女們,像母親一般地將我撫養長大,我難道不該將她們看成自己的親母親嗎?更何況,我的生母一直在關心我,是她的果斷和犧牲使我能有一個良好的生長環境,和光明的前途。 我的禁忌消失了,我不僅可以彈所有母親節歌曲,我還能輕輕地唱,校長和老師們也跟著我唱,琴聲傳出了校園,山谷裡一定充滿了我的琴聲,在夕陽裡,小城的居民們一定會問,為什麼今天有人要彈母親節的歌?

對我而言,今天是母親節,這個塞滿車票的信封,使我從此以後,再也不怕過母親節了。

這是一則真人故事。他是暨南大學校長李家同。

Thursday, March 6, 2008

HOW FRIENDSHIP BREAK ?

  1. Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy
  2. And Will Not Contact Thinking It May Be Disturbing
  3. As Time Passes
  4. Both Will Think Let The others Contact
  5. After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First ?
  6. Here Your Love Will Be Converted To Hate
  7. Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak
  8. They Forget Each Other.



Monday, March 3, 2008

喜欢与不喜欢

同一句话,出自不同的人会给人不同的感觉。。

  1. 有一个人对你说,他好想你,他永远会把你放在心里。。如果他是你喜欢的人,那你一定会甜在心里,感到非常开心,幸福。。但是,如果他是一个你不喜欢的人,那你一定觉得很讨厌,恶心。。刚吃饱,都想吐完出来了。。
  2. 有一个人打电话给你,找你谈天,谈心。。如果他是你喜欢的人,那你一定会留心的听,不想错过他任何的一言一句。。谈到三更半夜,牺牲你睡觉的时间也是值得的。。但是,如果他是一个你不喜欢的人,你就会有意无意的假装听不见他在说什么。。过了一段时间,你还会把电话没电的理由要求盖电话,别浪费你睡觉的时间。。
  3. 当你不开心时,对方打电话或向前慰问。。如果他是你喜欢的人,你一定会觉得世界是充满希望的,因为有他在你身边陪伴你。。可能他帮不到什么忙,可是只要他在,觉得一切都无所谓了。。但是,如果他是一个你不喜欢的人,你就会觉得世界变得更加黑暗,认为自己倒霉才会遇到他。。
  4. 当你需要帮忙时,有一个人伸出他的援手。。如果他是你喜欢的人,你一定会非常感激他。。想乘机找机会约他出来请自道谢,一直称赞他非常聪明。。但是,如果他是一个你不喜欢的人,你就会觉得他的帮忙是理所当然的,没什么大不了,没什么事情也不会找他。。
  5. 当一个人想要约你出去。。如果他是你喜欢的人,那你二话不说就答应了,还一直幻想着当天的情景,当天要怎么打扮的等等。。但是,如果他是一个你不喜欢的人,那你就会左想右想要找什么借口去拒绝他。。如果拒绝不到,也只会敷衍了事,随便地去应约。。一直拜天拜地,希望他会取消约会。。
真的好大分别啊! 不知道你有没有同样的经历??每一件事情的发生,其实真的很需要时间,地点,人物的配合。。要是其中一样不对,那它的反效果真的非同凡响。。可能这样做会伤害到你不喜欢的人,可是有些时候,你的反应是很自然的。。你要掩盖也掩盖不到。。但是,要是你能把你的自然反应给控制住,那就最好了。。

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

我想你

仰头望着满天的星星,
星星在天空中发出一丝丝的光芒,
突然你的影子出现在我脑海里,
我好想念你啊!!
我们已分开多年,
可是偶尔还是会想起你。。
你在哪儿还好吗??
和你分开时,
我的年纪还小,
还不懂事,
可是我记得那时的我感到非常不舍。。
那时你最疼就是我了,
时常带我去这里那里的,
买这个那个的,
别人看了都会眼红。。
被人捧在手心的感觉时非常幸福的,
我总是对你撒娇,
而你却不会和我斤斤计较,
还对我疼爱有加。。
嘻嘻。。
爷爷,
我真的好想你。。
你在哪儿还会记得我吗??
以前你时常带我去我们家附近的mamak店,
吃roti canai。。
现在的我只要看到roti canai,
我就会想起你。。
想起你那慈祥的笑容,
沉重但带些温柔的语气,
粗糙的手,
总是紧紧地握着我,
好像怕失去我似的。。
那时癌症纠缠着你,
看到你辛苦地和它对战,
我的心真的很痛。。
虽然你在折磨当中,
可是你还是不忘把微笑表露给我看,
让我不会太难过。。
爷爷,
你是我最尊重的人,
你是我最爱戴的人,
你是我最深爱的人,
无人能取代你的。。
15年了,
你离开已有15 年了。。
当你离开时,
我才6岁。。
那时我立志要当一名医生,
因为我要打败那把你带走的癌症。。
可是,
现在的我却是对医学一点兴趣也没有,
现在的我正一步步的往工程师走去,
我想你也会为我感到骄傲吧。。
当我坐在客厅里无所事事时,
我总是爱望着你的遗照,
总是希望你会再次对我微笑,
好像某些戏里头那样,
可是到现在还没发生过,
应该感到安慰这没发生吧。。
嘻嘻。。
爷爷,
今天的我已经长大了,
很多东西都改变了,
可是我还是那么爱你。。
真的。。
我很想念你。。

Monday, February 25, 2008

bakti siswa berwawasan..

2.5 months of preparation.. after tons of work and meetings, finally our moral project for sec 2 ended yesterday.. v went to Kg. Terisu dan Kg. Sg. Jarik in cameron highland last friday.. there are the venue for our moral project this sem.. this project involved all the students in moral class.. erm.. around 126 students.. we went to the perkampungan orang asli.. to do some charity work..

ok.. lets start with the first day - friday.. early in the morning, 4am will have a bunch of exco and ajk will depart first.. it was because v need to set up the opening ceremony and also settle some thing in the kampung before all the students reach there.. although say is 4am, but some of the exco have to shift all the stuffs that we going to bring to the place we gather later.. so we started our "shifting game" at 2.30am.. we shifted 85 packets of rice, 70 boxes of mineral water, all the books that donated from our students to the penduduk kampung orang asli, foods, the stuff that needed in the module and also 15 electric items for the lucky draw section.. 16 people were the lucky one who need to depart earlier.. after settled everything, around 4.30am the shuttle bus started to move.. then the remaining exco had to stay at the place to looked after the stuff that we shifted there until 6am we depart.. most of the exco didn't sleep that night so we just lied down on the floor and some in the car to take a short nap.. 6am registration time.. briefing was given to all the students.. after shifting all the remaining stuffs to the bus, we departed at 7.30am.. during the journey there, 1 of the bus's air cond got problem.. around 12.30pm we all reached the entrance of the kampung.. but then due the road not that good, the big bus cant enter.. so all the students need to shift all the things down and waited for the small bus and van.. it took around half an hour to reached the kampung from the entrance.. due to the time, we need to maximize the people and the stuffs that we brought in the van or bus.. all the students inside just like sardin in a bread.. sorry everyone.. around 2.30pm, all the students were shifted into the kampung.. the people who reached earlier started the promotion, promote to all the people in this 2 kampung about our activities.. and others helped in cleaning the classrooms that we going to stay for this 2 nights.. we went to all the houses in this 2 kampung, if not mistaken, there are total 85 houses there.. we separated a few groups and went to house by house with goodies bag.. 3.30pm.. our opening.. out of our expectation, many villager attended our opening.. whole hall were fulled with people and our own students have no place to sit so all have to stand.. after the opening, ice breaking section.. we played some simple games with the children there.. they were so cute.. when they were playing, i was just laughing at the side and helped to control the children.. the feeling that time is hard to express now.. maybe GREAT is the only word that can suite my feeling that time.. at night, movie sharing.. i forgot what is the title of the movie.. erm.. the movie should start at 7.30pm.. but by that time, just a few villagers were there only.. so we started to worry no one will join us.. we form some groups and try to asked the people to come.. but then, around 8pm.. we can see that many villagers were walking from their house.. we were so excited and happy.. in the end, the hall also fulled with the villagers.. im not sure whether they can really understand the movie but we already tried to find a movie with malay subtitle.. after that i need to went back to the school for duty so i dunno what happen that time.. when im dutying, i looked at the sky.. there were alotz of stars that day.. the weather there is cooling.. just nice to enjoy the night.. i miss someone alot that time.. hehe.. the first day activities i can say is very successful..

Saturday - the most important day for us.. because all the modules held on that day.. wait.. let me talk about the sat early morning first.. bcoz the classrooms not enough place for all the girls so 5 of the gal exco need to sleep in the bilik urus setia.. on the bench or floor.. i need to duty from 5am to 7am.. woke up at 5am.. wow.. the weather was damn COLD.. my whole body bergetar-getar.. just like vibrate is on.. haha.. that time ah tan also duty.. so he boiled hot water for milo.. honestly i dun like milo, but after that night i started to like milo.. coz after i drank the milo, my whole body felt so warm.. just like hugging by someone.. hehe.. our second day started wif exersice.. all the students were very discipline and punctual so our modules can started base on the time we planned.. we have 5 modules and 1 competition for each levels.. got tadika, primary and secondary levels.. our students will separated to facilitators and modulators.. facilitators have to follow the group of children when there moving here and there.. while the modulators stayed at each station teached the children with their different tasks.. not just the children there can learn things, i think our modulators and facilitators also can learn something.. we learned how to b patient and friendly withe the children.. not every children there are so nice sitting there follow what u say.. so we have to b more open so that they will join us in what we are planning to do.. we ready lunch for all the children there.. but then some problem occurred.. food is not enough for all people.. so we need to ask the canteen aunty cooked more.. some parents took 4 packets of rice back home.. thats why we not enough.. but never mind... since we are doing charity what.. hehe... on the other side, the ajk and the exco who is free will b in charge of mural.. the teacher there already draw something there and we just need to paint.. v took almost 5 to 6 hours to finish it.. it was really nice.. thanks to the team.. actually im in charge of that but because my art sense is quite LOW.. so i offered myself to become facilitator.. hehe.. played with the small kids was so fun since i like kids alotz.. hehe.. at night, our night performance.. don't think just the uniten students will perform, the kids from each level also will perform.. hehe.. the tadika kids sang rasa sayang.. they were so cute and serious when they performing.. primary level also sang song... they sang "jalur gemilang".. wow.. i don't even remember the full lyric but thats not a problem for them.. respect them lah.. hehe.. and the secondary level had a short sketch that time.. all the performance were nice.. the uniten students also did very well in the performance.. GOOD JOB EVERYONE.. when the night going to end.. some problem occurred.. but then luckily no people get hurt.. thank god.. actually not only the villagers from kg terisu and kg, sg jarik joined us.. the villagers from the kg satu n dua also joined us.. they need to walked very far to reach the hall but then they stil joined us.. thankz to them.. because at night there are no road light, so the road is damn dark.. we had decided to arrange the shuttle bus to fetch them back due to safety problem.. the 2nd night also ended successfully..

sunday - the last day of our project.. after breakfast, we went to do house visitation.. house by house.. we gave them rice and milo for every house.. after that, we separated a few groups to clean some of the area in the kampung.. school, hall, road side and a few more places.. due to all the students worked hard together and also with the help of some kids, very fast we finished our cleaning section.. 11.30am was our closing.. same like the day before.. the hall was fulled with the villagers.. multimedia was played.. when i watched it, my tears really drop.. our hard work had make the project success.. so fast 3 days just ended like that.. haiz.. but then starting of something sure will meet the end.. but then the most sad is the multimedia forgot to put me n karen ( 2 secretary), raymond and mah yee seong ( teknikal) inside.. haiz.. so sad man.. although a bit disappointed on that but i know its not purposely geh.. so is ok gurmesh.. hehe.. (when u treat us dinner ah? haha) during the closing, my friends told me some kids asked them "abang, hari ini kami akan belajar apa??" i thought they will feel bored with our activities but then actually they were not.. they really enjoyed it like what we did.. felt so touched.. so everything ended like that.. we shifted out by van, small bus and also shuttle bus.. around 3pm, everything was shifted in the big bus.. so our journey back started.. 1 of the bus air cond rosak again.. heard they were in the bus without air cond.. so cham.. hehe.. around 9pm we reached uniten.. the project ended like this..

the perkampungan orang asli act not that bad.. just that the kampung got alot flies.. hehe.. i tink everyone come back also got extra "tahi Lalat" d.. haha.. i know everyone tired after this camp.. but i think all of u enjoy the project rite?? its really meaningful work.. i felt very happy and touched.. it is happier than attending guang liang's concert... haha.. anyway.. this project can only b success wif the help of all the students in sec 2, MORB123.. thankz to all of u.. u all did a good job..

Monday, February 4, 2008

thats the true me..

my close friends all know that im guang liang's fans... but i didn't go for any of his concert or any show that about him.. and i don't have any his original album although i listen to his songs since 1999.. i also dunno shud i declare myself as his fans.. hehe.. but i know actually why i like guang liang.. because his voice n his songs always touch my heart.. as you all know, guang liang's songs are slow songs.. i like this kind of songs rather than the rock songs.. im an emotional person.. im always will get moody suddenly without knowing the reason or cause.. i think many people always ask around.. "what u like to do when u r moody??".. my answer for that everytime will b the same.. "i will listen to music while posting my blog or find a right feeling friend to chat.." i dunno what you all think.. but to me.. if u wana share ur own feelings to friends, u must have kind of right feeling also.. erm.. how to describe that kind of feeling leh?? erm.. just like...... erm.. aiya.. i dunno.. im a passive person.. i wont share my own world with simply.. i rather keep the feeling in my heart if i cant get a good and comfortable target to share with.. so when that time come, listening to guang liang's songs is one of my best way to release my moody out.. dunno it just coincidence or what.. the songs that i listening will match with my feeling that time.. and just guang liang's songs can do that.. im a low confidents person.. im always think that im not good enough for other ppl.. im trying to do my best so that my friend can rely on me.. but im always doubt about myself.. silly thinking should be the words that u wanna describe about me now?? but thats my true feeling.. im look strong outside but actually im a very weak person.. always need people to support me.. thats the true partial sum..

Monday, January 28, 2008

坚强

知道一个人为什么会那么的坚强吗?

想要的东西得靠自己的能力得到,
因为没有人会白白的将你要的东西给你;
被人欺负时自己必须像刺猬般保护自己,
因为没有人会保护自己;
遇到困难时不能轻易放弃,
因为大家都觉得坚强的你一定能搞定;
遇到烦恼时寻求不到帮助,
因为大家都需要你的帮忙;
伤心难过时没有倾诉对象,
因为大家认为坚强的你会处理好自己的心情。

就因为大家口中所谓的’坚强’,
就不得不坚强地,
即使再辛苦也得努力争取自己要的东西,
即使再害怕也必须盛气凌人地反驳来保护自己,
即使再伤心也必须强颜欢笑,

不在别人面前掉一颗眼泪,
不在别人面前轻易地流露真心情。
渐渐地把心给封闭了,
让自己没那么轻易地收到伤害。

就如在沙漠中的仙人掌一样,
全身长满了刺,
冰冷到可以在酷日的沙漠中生存,
寂寞地在沙漠中孤独地生存着,
极力掩饰自己真正的心情,
努力扮演别人眼中的自己。
结果却常把自己搞得伤痕累累。

多么希望偶尔有人能关心一下自己,
多么希望有双手臂帮助自己,
多么希望有个肩膀可以依靠,
多么希望有个可以倾诉的听众,
多么希望有个可以真正玩乐的伙伴。
但,有人可以把这封闭已久的心打开吗??

Saturday, January 26, 2008

个人意见

你知道,有宗教信仰的人和没有宗教信仰的人的分别吗?有宗教信仰的人会认为每一件事情的发生都是有一定的原因的,而没有宗教信仰的人则觉得每一件事情的发生是巧合。以前一切发生在我身上的事情,我都会与命运联想起来。就有如,一直以来我在学校的成绩不是那么好,也不是喜欢读书的人。认识我的朋友都不会把我和读书联想在一起,而一想到我,大家都应该都会想到运动吧。但是,每一次在政府考试时,我总是拿到一些意想不到的成绩。令我想也没想过的成绩.朋友们问我,为什么你那么厉害的?说聪明,我想这词不适合我吧。勤力,更加没有我份。一份耕耘,一份收获,更不能形容我的。所以我总是告诉他们,因为我好运而已。我知道很多人都不会相信我说的话,但是我真的觉得我只是因为好运,没有别的原因可以解释了。可是我想,如果我是有宗教信仰的话,那时我可能就不会那样回答了。我可能就会说,因为上帝的保佑。而那就是分别了。有宗教信仰的人,会把每一件事,无论是小事还是大事,和上帝一起讲的。连普普通通的在百货公司找车位,也一样。我刚接受了耶稣,虽然我还不是很忠信(希望这个词用的正确),可是现在的我也慢慢把生活上所发生的每一件事和上帝和耶稣联想在一起。这也是我改变的其中一点吧。有宗教信仰的人,会觉得有依靠,当遇到问题时,都会比较坚强。而没有宗教信仰的人,一旦遇到问题,如果不好好控制自己的情绪,那就很惨了。他们都很容易想歪,因为他们内心没有依靠。

~以上都是我个人的意见,如果我用错词或是不小心得罪,我很抱歉。~

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Cinta dan Kawan

Satu hari CINTA dan KAWAN berjalan dalam kampung...
Tiba-tiba CINTA terjatuh dalam telaga...
Kenapa??
Kerana CINTA itu buta..
Lalu KAWAN pun ikut terjun dalam telaga...
Kenapa??
Kerana...
KAWAN akan buat apa sahaja demi CINTA !!
Di dalam telaga CINTA hilang...
Kenapa??
Kerana...
CINTA itu halus,
mudah hilang kalau tak dijaga,
sukar dicari apatah lagi dalam telaga yang gelap...
Sedangkan
KAWAN masih lagi tercari-cari dimana CINTA & terus menunggu..
Kenapa??
Kerana...
KAWAN itu sejati & akan kekal sebagai KAWAN yang setia..

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i miss you

我想有一个美好结果
为何最后总是来不及
相信有一天变成过去
现在分开无所谓
就当一首短短插曲
我不害怕
反正现在不会太差
有时候需要放下
才能看见向前的步伐
放手总带不走一些牵挂
一些忘不掉的牵挂
because I miss you
Yes,
I miss you
想你在心里种出一棵大树
要走得不能抓得住
我也很想告诉我自己
不能哭
有一天我不会在你掌心
紧紧握住我们的幸福
我把所能给的全都付出
我很觉得满足
就算眼泪快要夺眶而出 我会忍住

latest life

since small till now, my english always at a very low standard.. thats why i seldom post blog in english version.. i feel more comfortable with chinese version because i can express my feeling out with the most suitable words.. but in english i can just use some broken english.. sorry for that.. hope you all can understand what i write. but since some of my uni friends can't read in chinese so this blog i decided to use english version..

this week is a very busy week for me.. i am taking 5 subjects this sem and tis week i got 4 tests.. yesterday 1, thursday 1, friday 1 and sunday 1.. wait.. i think i should say 5 tests because today my moral class suddenly got a pop test.. 4 short essays in just 40 minutes.. so i just craped whatever i can since i didn't prepare anything for it.. but all the seniors said the test actually means nothing.. because the lecturer would not give gred base on the test and final.. it will just depends on the moral project that we will do soon on 22 to 24 feb.. so now 1 down and 3 more to go.. this coming weekend will be a very rush.. rushing for revision.. hehe.. but after this week then i will have my honey moon till chinese new year holiday.. horray.. haha..

when i am using english, i really speechless.. nothing i can write already.. so i think i just stop here.. it is an ordinary blog about my latest life.. good luck to all my friends that have test coming soon.. i hope all of you can get good result.. take good care of your health too because recently weather are so hot..

Sunday, January 20, 2008

曾经

曾经我又一个很要好的朋友。。
她是在我要离开怡保去吉隆坡前认识的。。
那时的我和她真的很要好,
要好到那时我们是多么的依依不舍。。
想到那时的情形,
我真的非常感动。。
那时的我时常在想,
为什么我不能早点认识她呢?
为什么当我们那么珍惜对方时,
我们就得分开?
以前的我对电脑是一窍不通,
更别说上网了。
可是,
因为她,
我积极的学着用电脑。。
当我寄出给她的第一封邮件,
我那时真的很兴奋。。
我想那时的她也是吧!
时间一天一天的过去,
也不懂何时开始,
我们的关系变得越来越疏远了。。
我不懂是我做的不够好,
还是我们的友情真的经不起距离,
到后来,
我们只是个普通朋友了。
从要好的朋友,
变去普通的朋友,
一开始我真的很难受。。
真的很舍不得放手让她走。。
我有尽量去挽留,
可是感觉要走,
我也不懂如何是好了。。
那时,
在我心里就只有“顺其自然”。。
现在的我看开了,
也没那么执著了..
一段友情是需要双方面的付出的,
当只有一方面的付出时,
那代表这段友情已接近尾声了..
时常都会回想起以前和她一起的日子,
可是一切就只能变成回忆..
回想回忆时,
甜蜜和开心是有的,
可是,
心酸却是占最大部分的..
因为想起以前的承诺,
和现在的情况,
是没关联的..
无论如何,
我对她的关心还是一样的,
我依然希望她能永远开开心心..

Friday, January 18, 2008

改变 (第二集)

其实一直以来我都很讨厌改变,
不是能用讨厌这个字眼,
应该说害怕。
我认为改变真的需要非常大的勇气,
而我就一直没这个勇气,
因为我怕改变后
所接受的评语不是我想得到的,
害怕朋友们的眼光。
我并不像你们想像中那么坚强的,
我其实是很胆小。
中五之后,
其实我一心是想读中六的,
(理由一样-我不要太大的改变)
可是拿了成绩之后,
我又有了不同的想法了.
我想去一个不同的地方,
因为我想改变了.
(很矛盾吧?但人就是这样的)
就这样,
我离开了我的朋友,
远离我亲爱的家人,
独自来到国能大学.
说是要改变,
可是那时就不知从何下手,
所以改变的速度有点暖慢.
心里一直很想改变,
可是行动却支配不了.
一直到现在,
我拉直了我的头发,
看起来不同了,
可能是留海的关系吧.
我的朋友应该都不习惯我新的形象吧.
嘻嘻.
其实我也蛮满意的,
因为我已成功的踏出第一步.
最困难的一步已经跨越了,
我对自己更有信心了.
最难的改变,
其实是改变自己的心态.

Monday, January 14, 2008

改变 (第一集)

朋友眼中的我,
都是很男子气的。。
以前在中学时代,
在学校友很多人都认为我是Tomboy,
不但是学生而已,
就连老师也是如此。。
以前的我,
并不在乎大家当我是男是女。。
但是现在的我就不同了。。
嘻嘻。。
有不少人问过我这个问题,
为什么以前我会那么男子气??
我总是想也不想的回答他们,
因为打球的关系。。
可是真正的答案,
其实是因为。。。
我小学的时候(大概是五,六年级)
我突然“发福”。。
那时双下巴就是我的特征。。
还记得拍小学毕业照时,
为了避免我的双下巴的出现,
我特地把我的头向上移。。
哈哈,现在想起真的很搞笑。。
回正题。。
就是因为我那时的巨人身材。。
所以从那时候开始,
除了校裙,
我再也没什么穿裙了。。
(我就读的小学一定要齐装,除非有学跳舞的)
所以为了掩饰我的整齐的齐装,
我就越剪越短。。
慢慢演变成大家眼中的Tomboy。。
就这样,
我的形象就这样定了下来。。


待续。。。。

Monday, January 7, 2008

烦!!!

现在的心情真的很难形容..
如果真的要找个字,
那该是-------->烦!
突然感到非常讨厌现在的生活..
总觉得一切发生在我身边的事情都很不如意..
一堆堆问题,
犹如政府在难民区派粮食,
毫无秩序的涌出来..
决定,
为什么那么难做决定??
就只是一个那么简单的决定,
而我却觉得困难..
我在想,
我是个负责任的人吗?
朋友们常把我说到那么好,
可是我真的是那么好吗?
我不觉得..
我觉得我真的很差劲..
我很讨厌我自己啊..
为什么我那么没主见??
为什么我那么被动???
我.....我.....我.......
我无话可说了...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

you wil never be alone., my friend..

If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone you’re feeling blue

If you’re away from love and you’re alone

If you call your frends and nobody’s home

You can run away but you can’t hide

Through a storm and through a lonely night

Then I show you there’s a destiny

The best things in life

They’re free

But if you wana cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone who cares for you

If you’re feeling sad your heart gets colder

Yes I show you what real love can do

If you sky is grey oh let me know

There’s a place in heaven where we’ll go

If heaven is a million years away

Oh just call me and I make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay here by your side

I promise you

I’ll never hide

HAppy NEw YEar 2008..

happy new year 2008 to all my frends.. so fast 2007 ald bcum history for all of us.. now lets refresh back 2gether, wat u had done in the year?? anything happen tat make u unhappy?? anything happen tat make u happy?? anything happen tat make u feel touching?? any memorable things happen?? many ques will appear in our mind if v wan to do a postmortem now.. hehe.. n sure i can get all the ans for this ques.. i noe tat 2007 is a memorable year for me.. coz i enjoyed my life ALMOST every second.. hehe.. sound great?? hope im correct.. hehe..
i cant rmb how i celebrate my new year eve last year... but tis year its a bit special.. y i said its special?? 1stly, bcoz my stupid moral class end at 9pm.. by tat time every1 ald go out book place countdown d.. so i decided follow alex go bek klang 2 do the countdown.. v departed at 9pm.. reached klang around 10pm wif no traffic jam.. (luckily) due to our host, mr alex haven take his dinner so v went for steamboat.. steamboat in klang slightly different.. not buffet style.. its like they prepare the amount of food for us base on num of head v order... but i tink its worth for me.. coz i cant eat much oso.. hehe.. alex introduced his best frend, lim, to me.. he is a nice guy.. (although i just noe him for almost 2 hours plus..) after finished steamboat, v went 2 the biggest jusco in asia... (statement from doou han) there got a mini concert wif 3 artists - zhang dong liang, suki n jac.. when i reached jusco, its ald 11.30pm i tink.. heard zhang dong liang sang a song..
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...... happy new year.. tats wat v shouted for countdown.. haha.. then 7 minits of firewoods displayed in the sky.. wow.. it was so nice.. i long time din c firewoods d.. countdown act just count tat 10 seconds ni.. but how cum all ppl so excited when talking bout countdown?? haha.. anyway, v went bek 2 serdang after tat.. joined our 2nd celebration activity i guess.. reached li chiat's house.. yee siong n may peng were drunk.. (not me ah.. i din drink at all k?? im guai lui lai de.. hehe.. ) so i jz lepak there lah.. in the end mahjong took place.. but i jz played a while ni.. alex ganti me after tat..
4.30am.. a gang of sot ppl decided 2 rock mcd in equine park.. 4 cars went there.. enjoyed our 1st breakfast in year 2008.. haha.. our laughter was semangat enuf 2 wake up all the ppl there act.. had sum crapping section there.. but it was really fun when gather wif a gang of good frend.. hehe.. 6am.. v went bek 2 uniten.. since wed i stil got EMD test.. so i canot too crazy until dun sleep 2day.. but bcoz too full.. so i decied 2 post tis blog b4 i sleep.. so tis is how i countdown n celebrate my new year.. mayb 2 u all its normal.. but i tink its memorable.. i will rmb it at least until next year.. haha..
oklah.. got 2 sleep d.. if not tmr duno wat time i will wake up 2 study.. happy new year 2 all my frends.. hope u all will hav a better year...