Walking to another career path..

Having 1 week of break now..

Without work.. Without homework..

Even after i graduate last year,

I not even rest for 1 week before i started to work..

In the past 1 month,

Many things happened around me..

Happy? Sad? Excite? Shock?

How i wish I can delete all the unhappiness things..

I need to be strong..

Not all things will go right like what I looking for..

Time to keep up my mind and start my another new journey in Penang..

It may know be better than before but still i will do my best in whatever i do..

I need to keep up my spirit and attitude to continue my career path..

Sure feel uncomfortable to move in another new environment..

Feel unsecure..

But still i will be brave and walk 1 step forward..

Gambateh la..

Heart pain!

1 year and 4 months ago, i have decided to stay at ipoh for work..

no high salary..

not much benefits..

not the field that i wanted to go in..

but still i'm here due to 1 reason..

F.A.M.I.L.Y..

especially my grandma..

wanted to spend more time with her..

in this 1 year and 4 months,

the time that i spent at home is not what i expected..

i tend to do more OT than i expected due to work load..

i only get to see my grandma in the weekend due to she slept before i get back home

and wake up after i went work..

Honestly, this 1 year and 4 months i learned very fast and alot..

due to the stress and pressure which i cannot afford to be slow..

good thing?? maybe..

but the stress and pressure getting more and more when i stay longer..

turn over rate here is very high which make the current engineers stressful..

especially the working environment in my dept..
no doubt, engineer is really like an 'anjing liar'..

thats y 1 month ago,

i decided to leave..

to continue my learning in different place..

to step out from the comfort zone, family..

try to be independent..

i not sure what is the environment in my new company..

worst than current company??

more stressful than current company??

i cant even save more when i away from ipoh..

but i just dun feel like staying in this company anymore..

However,

few days ago,

my grandma accidently fell down and fractured her bone..

she cannot walk for now..

no appetite to eat..

suffer in pain..

which make my heart pain whenever i see her now..

she admitted hospital yesterday..

Now i wonder,

do i make the right choice to leave now?

should i away from home now??

I have no idea..

sleepless for few nights..

what can i do now??

What will happen when ballon are pump full with air?

fear are always with me nowadays..

just finished a long weekend with a day extra..

but i did went for work during sat and sun which i not suppose to..

pressure are hunting me..

i really feel like giving up but i know i cannot..

I'm not depending on this job to continue my life..

But i'm depending this job to make me stronger..

What will happen when ballon are pump full with air?

What will happen when no more space for the air but air keep going in?

Am i stress? I'm lost!

Since long time i never update anything in my blog.

A blog that accompany me during my university life..

A blog that shares all my feeling with my friends..

A blog that let me release all my happiness, sadness, excitement and etc..

Life getting different when i step inside working environment..

Not a life that i can control like previously..

I can score well if i study well..

But i might not do well in working place although i hardworking..

There is still something lacking that i cannot figure what it is at this moment..

I'm trying hard, really hard to get used to this working life..

I'm trying my best, very best to do well in the work that need to be done..

I'm trying my best to learn more technical stuff to gain own knowledge..

I'm trying, I'm trying and I'm trying..

Sometimes i feel tired to keep on trying..

Can i just give up and live the way i want?

I can't..

Cause i cannot even pass my own heart's wall..

I always hope that i can just relax like others people..

But i can't convince myself to do that..

Why i cannot?

Why?

I started to have nightmare about my work during my sleeping time..

I started to fall sick more often than previous..

I started to have headache and gastric in regular basis.

Am I stress? What should i do? I'm lost!!!