命运

命运，
不是普通人可以掌握的。。
命运到底是什么？？
我也不晓得。。
可是我知道每个人的命运都不同。。
有的人可以一世好运，
有的人却总是被厄运纠缠。。
没有人会觉得自己是很幸福的,
因为他们不晓得辛苦的滋味。。
之前的我,
每当遇到一些困难时，
就会觉得自己很倒霉，
一直抱怨上天为什么不给我这个不给我那个。。
可能现在长大了，
思想的空间也不一样了。。
也可能是我体会到什么才是真正的厄运，
所以现在我觉得我比别人还来的幸福。。
有很多事情，
我以为只有在连续剧里的情节才会有，
我以为那是不可能发生在现实生活中的。。
以为,
其实也不过是我自己的以为。。
当我离开学校后，
接触的人和东西就不一样了，
我才慢慢了解现实是残酷的。。
只有当我真的接触到，
我才懂原来我是那么幸福的。。
命运，
冥冥中只有安排。。
有人说命运是可以自己掌握的，
可是真的是如此吗？？
我不晓得。。
有一些人，
年纪小小承受的东西就比别人多，
而有一些人，
却觉得什么都是理所当然的。。
当你受到一些挫折时，
怨天怨地，
很想放弃时，
你可否想过，
在远方的某一处，
某些人，
比你遇到的挫折还要多，
遇到的挫折比你还要大，
而他们却还是辛辛苦苦的继续他们的生活。。
因为他们相信一切很快就会雨过天晴的。。
就是因为那个信念，
把他们给支撑着。。
还记得,
以前我的家有很多蚊子，
把我叮得痒痒的。。
我总爱向妈妈投诉，
“很痒啊! 很痒啊!”
有一次,
当我在投诉的当儿,
妈妈很大力地向我的身体打下来,
我顿时傻眼了,
之后就哭出来了,
因为真的很痛。。
然后哭着问妈妈为什么要打我??
妈妈回答,
因为有蚊子啊。。
我那时当然除了痛,
什么也感觉不到了。。
现在回想,
我得到一个启示,
当我尝过什么是痛时,
我就会觉得痒其实是没什么的。。
只要我们经历过一些事情,
我们才能真正体会到那种感觉。。
也正是因为我体会过,
所以我才会珍惜我的所有,
才会知道其实我真的很幸福的。。
朋友,
痛你都尝过了,
痒还算的了什么??

車票

我從小就怕過母親節，因為我生下不久，就被母親遺棄了。每到母親節，我就會感到不自然，因為母親節前後，電視節目全是歌頌母愛的歌，電台更是如此，即使做個餅乾廣告，也都是母親節的歌。對我而言，每一首這種歌曲都是消受不了的。我生下一個多月，就被人在新竹火車站發現了我，車站附近的警察們慌作一團地替我餵奶，這些大男生找到一位會餵奶的婦人，要不是她，我恐怕早已哭出病來了。等到我吃飽了奶，安詳睡去，這些警察伯伯輕手輕腳地將我送到了新竹縣寶山鄉的德蘭中心，讓那些成天笑嘻嘻的天主教修女傷腦筋。

我沒有見過我的母親，小時候只知道修女們帶我長大。晚上，其他的大哥哥、大姊姊都要唸書，我無事可做，只好纏著修女，她們進聖堂唸晚課，我跟著進去，有時鑽進了祭台下面玩耍，有時對著在祈禱的修女們做鬼臉，更常常靠著修女睡著了，好心的修女會不等晚課唸完，就先將我抱上樓去睡覺，我一直懷疑她們喜歡我，是因為我給她們一個溜出聖堂的大好機會。

我們雖然都是家遭變故的孩子，可是大多數都仍有家，過年、過節叔叔伯伯甚至兄長都會來接，只有我，連家在那裡，都不知道。也就因為如此，修女們對我們這些真正無家可歸的孩子們特別好，總不准其他孩子欺侮我們。我從小功課不錯，修女們更是找了一大批義工來做我的家教。屈指算來，做過我家教的人真是不少，他們都是交大、清大的研究生和教授，工研院、園區內廠商的工程師。 教我理化的老師，當年是博士班學生，現在已是副教授了。教我英文的，根本就是位正教授，難怪我從小英文就很好了。修女也壓迫我學琴，小學四年級，我已擔任聖堂的電風琴手，彌撒中，由我負責彈琴。

由於我在教會裡所受的薰陶，所以，我的口齒比較清晰，在學校裡，我常常參加演講比賽，有一次還擔任畢業生致答詞的代表。可是我從來不在慶祝母親節的節目中擔任重要的角色。 我雖然喜歡彈琴，可是永遠有一個禁忌，我不能彈母親節的歌。我想除非有人強迫我彈，否則我絕不會自已去彈的。我有時也會想，我的母親究竟是誰 , 看了小說以後，我猜自己是個私生子。爸爸始亂終棄，年輕的媽媽只好將我遺棄了。 大概因為我天資不錯，再加上那些熱心家教的義務幫忙，我順利地考上了新竹省中，大學聯招也考上了成功大學土木系。

在大學的時候，我靠工讀完成了學業，帶我長大的孫修女有時會來看我，我的那些大老粗型的男同學，一看到她，馬上變得文雅得不得了。很多同學知道我的身世以後都會安慰我，說我是修女們帶大的，怪不得我的氣質很好。畢業那天，別人都有爸爸媽媽來，我的唯一親人是孫修女，我們的系主任還特別和她照相。服役期間，我回德蘭中心玩，這次孫修女忽然要和我談一件嚴肅的事，她從一個抽屜裡拿出一個信封，請我看看信封的內容。信封裡有二張車票，孫修女告訴我，當警察送我來的時候，我的衣服裡塞了這兩張車票，顯然是我的母親用這些車票從她住的地方到新竹車站的，一張公車票從南部的一個地方到屏東市。另一張火車票是從屏東到新竹，這是一張慢車票，我立刻明白我的母親應該不是有錢人。

孫修女告訴我，她們通常並不喜歡去找出棄嬰的過去身世，因此她們一直保留了這兩張車票，等我長大了再說。她們觀察我很久，最後的結論是我很理智，應該有能力處理這件事了。她們曾經去過這個小城，發現小城人極少，如果我真要找出我的親人，應該不是難事。我一直想和我的父母見一次面，可是現在拿了這兩張車票，我卻猶豫不決了。我現在活得好好的，有大學文憑，甚至也有一位快要談論終生大事的女朋友，為什麼我要走回過去，去尋找一個完全陌生的過去？何況十有八九，找到的恐怕是不愉快的事實。孫修女卻仍鼓勵我去，她認為我已有光明的前途，沒有理由讓我的身世之謎永遠成為心的陰影，她一直勸我要有最壞的打算，既使發現的事實不愉快，應該不至於動搖我對自己前途的信心。

我終於去了。

這個我過去從未聽過的小城，是個山城，從屏東市要坐一個多小時的公車，才能到達。雖是南部，因為是冬天，總有一家派出所、一家鎮公所、一所國民小學、一所國民中學，然後就什麼都沒有了。我在派出所和鎮公所裡來來回回地跑，終於讓我找到了兩筆與我似乎有關的資料，第一筆是一個小男孩的出生資料，第二個是這小男生家人來申報遺失的資料，遺失就在我被遺棄的第二天，出生在一個多月以前。據修女們的記錄，我被發現在新竹車站時，只有一個多月大。看來我找到我的出生資料了。 問題是：我的父母都已去世了，母親幾個月以前去世的。我有一個哥哥，這個哥哥早已離開小城，不知何處去了。

畢竟這個小城，誰都認識誰，派出所的一位老警員告訴我，我的媽媽一直在那所國中裡做工友，他馬上帶我去看國中的校長。校長是位女士，非常熱忱地歡迎我。她說的確我的媽媽一輩子在這裡做工友，是一位非常慈祥的老太太，我的爸爸非常懶，別的男人都去城裡找工作，只有他不肯走，小城做些零工，小城根本沒有什麼零工可做，因此他一輩子靠我的媽媽做工友過活。因為不做事，心情也就不好，只好借酒澆愁，喝醉了，有時打我的媽媽，有時打我的哥哥。事後雖然有些後悔，但積習難改，媽媽和哥哥被鬧了一輩子，哥哥在國中二年級的時後，索性離家出走，從此沒有回來。

這位老媽媽的確有過第二位兒子，可是一個月大以後，神秘地失蹤了。校長問了我很多事，我一一據實以告，當她知道我在北部的孤兒院長大以後。她忽然激動了起來，在櫃子裡找出了一個大信封，這個大信封是我母親去世以後，在她枕邊發現的，校長認為裡面的東西一定有意義，決定留了下來，等他的親人來領。我以顫抖的手，打開了這個信封，發現裡面全是車票，一套一套從這個南部小城到新竹縣寶山鄉的來回車票，全部都保存得好好的。校長告訴我，每半年我的母親會到北部去看一位親戚，大家都不知道這親戚是誰，只感到她回來的時候心情就會很好。母親晚年信了佛教，她最得意的事是說服了一些信佛教的有錢人，湊足了一百萬台幣，捐給天主教辦的孤兒院，捐贈的那一天，她也親自去了。

我想起來了，有一次一輛大型遊覽車帶來了一批南部到北部來進香的善男信女。他們帶了一張一百萬元的支票，捐給我們德蘭中心。修女們感激之餘，召集所有的小孩子和他們合影，我正在打籃球，也被抓來， 老大不情願地和大家照了一張像。現在我居然在信裡找到了這張照片，我也請人家認出我的母親，她和我站得不遠。更使我感動的是我畢業那一年的畢業紀念冊，有一頁被影印了以後放在信封裡，那是我們班上同學戴方帽子的一頁，我也在其中。 我的媽媽，雖然遺棄了我，仍然一直來看我，她甚至可能也參加了我大學的畢業典禮。

校長的聲音非常平靜，她說︰「你應該感謝你的母視，她遺棄了你，是為了替你找一個更好生活環境，你如留在這裡，最多只是國中畢業以後去城裡做工，我們這裡幾乎很少人能進高中的。弄得不好，你吃不消你爸爸的每天打罵，說不定也會像你哥哥那樣離家出走，一去不返。」校長索性找了其他的老師來，告訴了他們有關我的故事，大都恭喜我能從國立大學畢業，有一位老師說，他們這裡從來沒有學生可以考取國立大學的。我忽然有一個衝動，我問校長校內有沒有鋼琴，她說她們的鋼琴不是很好的，可是電風琴卻是全新的。

我打開了琴蓋，對著窗外的冬日夕陽，我一首一首地彈母親節的歌，我要讓人知道，我雖然在孤兒院長大，可是我不是孤兒。因為我一直有那些好心而又有教養的修女們，像母親一般地將我撫養長大，我難道不該將她們看成自己的親母親嗎？更何況，我的生母一直在關心我，是她的果斷和犧牲使我能有一個良好的生長環境，和光明的前途。 我的禁忌消失了，我不僅可以彈所有母親節歌曲，我還能輕輕地唱，校長和老師們也跟著我唱，琴聲傳出了校園，山谷裡一定充滿了我的琴聲，在夕陽裡，小城的居民們一定會問，為什麼今天有人要彈母親節的歌？

對我而言，今天是母親節，這個塞滿車票的信封，使我從此以後，再也不怕過母親節了。

這是一則真人故事。他是暨南大學校長李家同。

HOW FRIENDSHIP BREAK ?

1. Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy
2. And Will Not Contact Thinking It May Be Disturbing
3. As Time Passes
   
4. Both Will Think Let The others Contact
5. After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First ?
   
6. Here Your Love Will Be Converted To Hate
7. Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak
8. They Forget Each Other.
   
   
   
   

喜欢与不喜欢

同一句话，出自不同的人会给人不同的感觉。。

1. 有一个人对你说，他好想你，他永远会把你放在心里。。如果他是你喜欢的人，那你一定会甜在心里，感到非常开心，幸福。。但是，如果他是一个你不喜欢的人，那你一定觉得很讨厌，恶心。。刚吃饱，都想吐完出来了。。
2. 有一个人打电话给你，找你谈天，谈心。。如果他是你喜欢的人，那你一定会留心的听，不想错过他任何的一言一句。。谈到三更半夜，牺牲你睡觉的时间也是值得的。。但是，如果他是一个你不喜欢的人，你就会有意无意的假装听不见他在说什么。。过了一段时间，你还会把电话没电的理由要求盖电话，别浪费你睡觉的时间。。
3. 当你不开心时，对方打电话或向前慰问。。如果他是你喜欢的人，你一定会觉得世界是充满希望的，因为有他在你身边陪伴你。。可能他帮不到什么忙，可是只要他在，觉得一切都无所谓了。。但是，如果他是一个你不喜欢的人，你就会觉得世界变得更加黑暗，认为自己倒霉才会遇到他。。
4. 当你需要帮忙时，有一个人伸出他的援手。。如果他是你喜欢的人，你一定会非常感激他。。想乘机找机会约他出来请自道谢，一直称赞他非常聪明。。但是，如果他是一个你不喜欢的人，你就会觉得他的帮忙是理所当然的，没什么大不了，没什么事情也不会找他。。
5. 当一个人想要约你出去。。如果他是你喜欢的人，那你二话不说就答应了，还一直幻想着当天的情景，当天要怎么打扮的等等。。但是，如果他是一个你不喜欢的人，那你就会左想右想要找什么借口去拒绝他。。如果拒绝不到，也只会敷衍了事，随便地去应约。。一直拜天拜地，希望他会取消约会。。

真的好大分别啊! 不知道你有没有同样的经历??每一件事情的发生，其实真的很需要时间，地点，人物的配合。。要是其中一样不对，那它的反效果真的非同凡响。。可能这样做会伤害到你不喜欢的人，可是有些时候，你的反应是很自然的。。你要掩盖也掩盖不到。。但是，要是你能把你的自然反应给控制住，那就最好了。。

我想你

仰头望着满天的星星，
星星在天空中发出一丝丝的光芒，
突然你的影子出现在我脑海里，
我好想念你啊!!
我们已分开多年，
可是偶尔还是会想起你。。
你在哪儿还好吗？？
和你分开时，
我的年纪还小，
还不懂事，
可是我记得那时的我感到非常不舍。。
那时你最疼就是我了，
时常带我去这里那里的，
买这个那个的，
别人看了都会眼红。。
被人捧在手心的感觉时非常幸福的，
我总是对你撒娇，
而你却不会和我斤斤计较，
还对我疼爱有加。。
嘻嘻。。
爷爷，
我真的好想你。。
你在哪儿还会记得我吗？？
以前你时常带我去我们家附近的mamak店，
吃roti canai。。
现在的我只要看到roti canai，
我就会想起你。。
想起你那慈祥的笑容，
沉重但带些温柔的语气，
粗糙的手，
总是紧紧地握着我，
好像怕失去我似的。。
那时癌症纠缠着你，
看到你辛苦地和它对战，
我的心真的很痛。。
虽然你在折磨当中，
可是你还是不忘把微笑表露给我看，
让我不会太难过。。
爷爷，
你是我最尊重的人，
你是我最爱戴的人，
你是我最深爱的人，
无人能取代你的。。
15年了，
你离开已有15 年了。。
当你离开时，
我才6岁。。
那时我立志要当一名医生，
因为我要打败那把你带走的癌症。。
可是，
现在的我却是对医学一点兴趣也没有，
现在的我正一步步的往工程师走去，
我想你也会为我感到骄傲吧。。
当我坐在客厅里无所事事时，
我总是爱望着你的遗照，
总是希望你会再次对我微笑，
好像某些戏里头那样，
可是到现在还没发生过，
应该感到安慰这没发生吧。。
嘻嘻。。
爷爷，
今天的我已经长大了，
很多东西都改变了，
可是我还是那么爱你。。
真的。。
我很想念你。。

bakti siswa berwawasan..

2.5 months of preparation.. after tons of work and meetings, finally our moral project for sec 2 ended yesterday.. v went to Kg. Terisu dan Kg. Sg. Jarik in cameron highland last friday.. there are the venue for our moral project this sem.. this project involved all the students in moral class.. erm.. around 126 students.. we went to the perkampungan orang asli.. to do some charity work..

ok.. lets start with the first day - friday.. early in the morning, 4am will have a bunch of exco and ajk will depart first.. it was because v need to set up the opening ceremony and also settle some thing in the kampung before all the students reach there.. although say is 4am, but some of the exco have to shift all the stuffs that we going to bring to the place we gather later.. so we started our "shifting game" at 2.30am.. we shifted 85 packets of rice, 70 boxes of mineral water, all the books that donated from our students to the penduduk kampung orang asli, foods, the stuff that needed in the module and also 15 electric items for the lucky draw section.. 16 people were the lucky one who need to depart earlier.. after settled everything, around 4.30am the shuttle bus started to move.. then the remaining exco had to stay at the place to looked after the stuff that we shifted there until 6am we depart.. most of the exco didn't sleep that night so we just lied down on the floor and some in the car to take a short nap.. 6am registration time.. briefing was given to all the students.. after shifting all the remaining stuffs to the bus, we departed at 7.30am.. during the journey there, 1 of the bus's air cond got problem.. around 12.30pm we all reached the entrance of the kampung.. but then due the road not that good, the big bus cant enter.. so all the students need to shift all the things down and waited for the small bus and van.. it took around half an hour to reached the kampung from the entrance.. due to the time, we need to maximize the people and the stuffs that we brought in the van or bus.. all the students inside just like sardin in a bread.. sorry everyone.. around 2.30pm, all the students were shifted into the kampung.. the people who reached earlier started the promotion, promote to all the people in this 2 kampung about our activities.. and others helped in cleaning the classrooms that we going to stay for this 2 nights.. we went to all the houses in this 2 kampung, if not mistaken, there are total 85 houses there.. we separated a few groups and went to house by house with goodies bag.. 3.30pm.. our opening.. out of our expectation, many villager attended our opening.. whole hall were fulled with people and our own students have no place to sit so all have to stand.. after the opening, ice breaking section.. we played some simple games with the children there.. they were so cute.. when they were playing, i was just laughing at the side and helped to control the children.. the feeling that time is hard to express now.. maybe GREAT is the only word that can suite my feeling that time.. at night, movie sharing.. i forgot what is the title of the movie.. erm.. the movie should start at 7.30pm.. but by that time, just a few villagers were there only.. so we started to worry no one will join us.. we form some groups and try to asked the people to come.. but then, around 8pm.. we can see that many villagers were walking from their house.. we were so excited and happy.. in the end, the hall also fulled with the villagers.. im not sure whether they can really understand the movie but we already tried to find a movie with malay subtitle.. after that i need to went back to the school for duty so i dunno what happen that time.. when im dutying, i looked at the sky.. there were alotz of stars that day.. the weather there is cooling.. just nice to enjoy the night.. i miss someone alot that time.. hehe.. the first day activities i can say is very successful..

Saturday - the most important day for us.. because all the modules held on that day.. wait.. let me talk about the sat early morning first.. bcoz the classrooms not enough place for all the girls so 5 of the gal exco need to sleep in the bilik urus setia.. on the bench or floor.. i need to duty from 5am to 7am.. woke up at 5am.. wow.. the weather was damn COLD.. my whole body bergetar-getar.. just like vibrate is on.. haha.. that time ah tan also duty.. so he boiled hot water for milo.. honestly i dun like milo, but after that night i started to like milo.. coz after i drank the milo, my whole body felt so warm.. just like hugging by someone.. hehe.. our second day started wif exersice.. all the students were very discipline and punctual so our modules can started base on the time we planned.. we have 5 modules and 1 competition for each levels.. got tadika, primary and secondary levels.. our students will separated to facilitators and modulators.. facilitators have to follow the group of children when there moving here and there.. while the modulators stayed at each station teached the children with their different tasks.. not just the children there can learn things, i think our modulators and facilitators also can learn something.. we learned how to b patient and friendly withe the children.. not every children there are so nice sitting there follow what u say.. so we have to b more open so that they will join us in what we are planning to do.. we ready lunch for all the children there.. but then some problem occurred.. food is not enough for all people.. so we need to ask the canteen aunty cooked more.. some parents took 4 packets of rice back home.. thats why we not enough.. but never mind... since we are doing charity what.. hehe... on the other side, the ajk and the exco who is free will b in charge of mural.. the teacher there already draw something there and we just need to paint.. v took almost 5 to 6 hours to finish it.. it was really nice.. thanks to the team.. actually im in charge of that but because my art sense is quite LOW.. so i offered myself to become facilitator.. hehe.. played with the small kids was so fun since i like kids alotz.. hehe.. at night, our night performance.. don't think just the uniten students will perform, the kids from each level also will perform.. hehe.. the tadika kids sang rasa sayang.. they were so cute and serious when they performing.. primary level also sang song... they sang "jalur gemilang".. wow.. i don't even remember the full lyric but thats not a problem for them.. respect them lah.. hehe.. and the secondary level had a short sketch that time.. all the performance were nice.. the uniten students also did very well in the performance.. GOOD JOB EVERYONE.. when the night going to end.. some problem occurred.. but then luckily no people get hurt.. thank god.. actually not only the villagers from kg terisu and kg, sg jarik joined us.. the villagers from the kg satu n dua also joined us.. they need to walked very far to reach the hall but then they stil joined us.. thankz to them.. because at night there are no road light, so the road is damn dark.. we had decided to arrange the shuttle bus to fetch them back due to safety problem.. the 2nd night also ended successfully..

sunday - the last day of our project.. after breakfast, we went to do house visitation.. house by house.. we gave them rice and milo for every house.. after that, we separated a few groups to clean some of the area in the kampung.. school, hall, road side and a few more places.. due to all the students worked hard together and also with the help of some kids, very fast we finished our cleaning section.. 11.30am was our closing.. same like the day before.. the hall was fulled with the villagers.. multimedia was played.. when i watched it, my tears really drop.. our hard work had make the project success.. so fast 3 days just ended like that.. haiz.. but then starting of something sure will meet the end.. but then the most sad is the multimedia forgot to put me n karen ( 2 secretary), raymond and mah yee seong ( teknikal) inside.. haiz.. so sad man.. although a bit disappointed on that but i know its not purposely geh.. so is ok gurmesh.. hehe.. (when u treat us dinner ah? haha) during the closing, my friends told me some kids asked them "abang, hari ini kami akan belajar apa??" i thought they will feel bored with our activities but then actually they were not.. they really enjoyed it like what we did.. felt so touched.. so everything ended like that.. we shifted out by van, small bus and also shuttle bus.. around 3pm, everything was shifted in the big bus.. so our journey back started.. 1 of the bus air cond rosak again.. heard they were in the bus without air cond.. so cham.. hehe.. around 9pm we reached uniten.. the project ended like this..

the perkampungan orang asli act not that bad.. just that the kampung got alot flies.. hehe.. i tink everyone come back also got extra "tahi Lalat" d.. haha.. i know everyone tired after this camp.. but i think all of u enjoy the project rite?? its really meaningful work.. i felt very happy and touched.. it is happier than attending guang liang's concert... haha.. anyway.. this project can only b success wif the help of all the students in sec 2, MORB123.. thankz to all of u.. u all did a good job..

thats the true me..

my close friends all know that im guang liang's fans... but i didn't go for any of his concert or any show that about him.. and i don't have any his original album although i listen to his songs since 1999.. i also dunno shud i declare myself as his fans.. hehe.. but i know actually why i like guang liang.. because his voice n his songs always touch my heart.. as you all know, guang liang's songs are slow songs.. i like this kind of songs rather than the rock songs.. im an emotional person.. im always will get moody suddenly without knowing the reason or cause.. i think many people always ask around.. "what u like to do when u r moody??".. my answer for that everytime will b the same.. "i will listen to music while posting my blog or find a right feeling friend to chat.." i dunno what you all think.. but to me.. if u wana share ur own feelings to friends, u must have kind of right feeling also.. erm.. how to describe that kind of feeling leh?? erm.. just like...... erm.. aiya.. i dunno.. im a passive person.. i wont share my own world with simply.. i rather keep the feeling in my heart if i cant get a good and comfortable target to share with.. so when that time come, listening to guang liang's songs is one of my best way to release my moody out.. dunno it just coincidence or what.. the songs that i listening will match with my feeling that time.. and just guang liang's songs can do that.. im a low confidents person.. im always think that im not good enough for other ppl.. im trying to do my best so that my friend can rely on me.. but im always doubt about myself.. silly thinking should be the words that u wanna describe about me now?? but thats my true feeling.. im look strong outside but actually im a very weak person.. always need people to support me.. thats the true partial sum..